She is Our Angel

moving forward?

2012-02-01T15:02:00.001-07:00

If you can’t fly then run,

If you can’t run then walk,

If you can’t walk then crawl,

but whatever you do

you have to keep

moving forward.

~MLK

I'm trying, really I am.

Some days are easier than others.

I can say that I always cheer when I get to turn the calendar

from January to February.

There is just something about January.

My new goal, next year of course, will be to

find something to Love about January.

I have tried to keep busy the past few weeks.

I have some sewing projects that keep calling my name.

I have a couple of sister in laws who have had gatherings the

past two weekends. It is always a good thing when they ask for help.

I was able to cut up some fruit and make a few batches of cookies.

Of course I did jump the gun a bit and make Valentine cookies,

because I love Valentine cookies.

I received this picture in an e-mail this past week...

It is a beautiful statue. I was determined to find its origin.

I came across two other blogs that posted the same picture

first one here

the second one here

It appears it was made for unborn children in Slovakia.

However, It reminds me of children who have died.

my child, my daughter

Many days, this is exactly how I feel.

Kristen is comforting me.

It is because of her that I can go forward.

Some days all I do is crawl,

and I have learned that

that's okay.

crafting for kristen

2012-01-24T21:11:00.001-07:00

you are always in our thoughts

and forever in our hearts.

love you to the moon and back
~mom

Angels and such

2012-01-23T22:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday in church, Brooke was sitting next to me. She was excited to see that I had

both a new box of crayons and a notebook in my bag. She quickly drew this picture for me,

she then leaned over and whispered, "It's Kristen"
I thought to myself,
"I'm the mother of an angel."
And then another thought came into my mind,
"The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away."
A few quiet tears began to stream down my face
and then
I felt peace.

Last week Cody had a space derby at Cub Scouts.

His rocket took first place!

Way to go Cody!

I know it's a bit early for Valentines stuff, but I couldn't help myself.

I had to purchase this sparkly pink heart for Kristen,

and the bright red one for my dad.

As I drove away from the cemetery, they were both sparking in the sun.

"They say that time in heaven is compared to 'the blink of an eye'.

Sometimes it helps me to think of my child running ahead of me through

a beautiful field of wildflowers and butterflies;

so happy and completely caught up in what she is doing

that when she looks behind her,

I'll already be there."

~Author Unknown

breathing easier

2012-01-18T16:03:00.001-07:00

This past week our family had a scare.

Richard's mother had gone in for a routine mammogram.

She was called back and told that they found something and a biopsy

was needed. This past Friday she went in for the biopsy.

We waited through the weekend until yesterday she finally got the call.

"ALL CLEAR!!! SEE YOU IN A YEAR."

She feels very blessed and knows that many prayers were answered.

Grandma Kirton has always referred to herself as the funny grandma.

Most of the time she is right about that.

Grandma has 8 children and 30 grandchildren.

Traditions have always been important to her.

I thought I might share a few of her favorite traditions.

She is always looking to celebrate every single holiday and every birthday.

Here she is walking to a neighborhood 4th of July parade this past year.

Every single year our family has gone on a family camping trip to Pinedale, Wyoming.

It is not uncommon to see her riding with grandpa throughout the campground

or showing up on the beach in her bathing suit.

She has taught all of her children how to cook. She has been canning forever and

has passed the tradition on to all of us. We all agree there is nothing like

a bottle of fresh peaches on a cold winter morning.

Last summer all of the grandchildren were sliding down the hill on a home made

slip and slide. Soon grandma showed up in her bathing suit. She made sure

she put on fresh lipstick just for the ride down the hill.

She loves to make us all laugh and laugh we did.

Grandma is known for her Halloween party.

She makes sure there is plenty of homemade chili, breadsticks and root beer.

Her and Dick dress up EVERY single year. We can hardly wait to see her in her costume.

One of her favorite costumes was Miss America.

(I'm still searching for a picture of that one.)

And then there is the dancing. She LOVES to dance in her kitchen.

It is always a special treat for her when someone will jump up and dance with her.

She also LOVES to juggle eggs right there in the kitchen.

Grandma is also known for her Christmas tree. Every year she spends hours looking

for the perfect tree. She then flocks it herself and carefully places birds and nests

throughout the tree. She then tells the grandchildren stories about all of the birds.

She is also know for her candy making skills. Every Christmas she makes several

batches of fondant and then dips them herself. Her pecan rolls have nearly made her famous.

She has also perfected the skill of making toffee.

Each time she is ready to make a batch,

she calls to see if any of my daughters want to come and watch and learn.

When Kristen was born she made this dress for her.

Much of it is hand stitched.

She also made this awesome quilt for Kristen's birthday.

It kept Kristen cozy and warm as she spent so much time in bed.

We are all thankful that Grandma's test came back negative for cancer.

Grandma will turn 80 this year and we can't wait to CELEBRATE.

We are also looking forward to seeing her next Halloween costume.

We love you Grandma Kirton.

mending hearts and some resolutions of sorts

2012-01-17T13:45:00.001-07:00

For some time I have been wondering what might become of Kristen's blog.

Kristen's blog was started as a journal to track her progress as

she fought leukemia. It was also a way to keep family and friends posted on the

latest happenings. Little did I know that it would also become a place to

meet friends and gather together to celebrate each others triumphs and gain

strength as others suffered tragedies. Kristen's blog is very dear to my heart.

It holds pictures, daily updates and many of my heartfelt feelings as

I have just experienced the most difficult 3 plus years of my life.

I've thought about starting another blog where I could continue to journal the
happenings of our lives.

But I just can't bring myself to leave this spot.

Kristen is still so much a part of us.
She continues to be in my every thought.
Her name is mentioned several times a day.
Just last night Ryan asked me if I would make his some creamed eggs.
They were Kristen's favorite. The whole time I was making them I
was wishing I could take a plate up to Kristen.

I still have a lot of healing to do.
I'm still trying to learn how to enjoy life again.
I'm still trying to figure out who I am without her next to me.
My heart has hurt for so long.
I am hoping this new year will bring
~some mending of my heart
~more giving
~more listening
~more joy

I have decided rather than to start another family blog
I would like to stay right here and share more about our family
for I know family is the first place I find joy.
Because I print my blog into a book, don't be surprised to see a few
recipes and more about our day to day happenings.
I might post a simple saying or a simple picture that warms my heart.
I am hoping this will be a healing place for me and others.
I have said it before and I try to remember this every day,
I will not allow Kristen's death to put a black cloud over my head.
Although I feel lost and much heartache, I know there
is still reason to rejoice. She is still very much alive.
Her spirit is soaring and she is free of cancer.
I know she will be in my arms again.
I will continue to spread her light. I know her light can shine
through me as I continue to be remember the things that matter most in life.

~I will continue to raise awareness for children with Down syndrome.
~I will continue to fight for a cure for childhood cancer.
~I will continue to be a voice for the children who because of their
Down syndrome have been discarded into orphanages and institutions.

Thanks again to so many who have given me support over the past few years.
You have truly lit the path and shown me the way.

Now a little family cuteness...

Kali just turned 6 months old on Sunday.

I have already shown Kali many pictures of Kristen.

I take her in Kristen's room and show her all of Kristen's treasures.

She likes the snow domes, especially the ones that play music.

Kali is one blessed little girl as I am sure she has

a special little angel watching over her.

Lives forever changed

2012-01-14T15:52:00.000-07:00

There should be a law against the making of little caskets.

It just isn't right.

As I was getting ready to go to Luca's funeral today, I knew it

was going to be difficult. I never imagined it would be as difficult

as it was. As the family entered the chapel, Annalisa, Luca's mother

was beside the little casket with her had on it, sobbing.

No mother should ever have to go through a day like today.

Luca fought leukemia for 27 of the 36 months he was on this earth.

"As we sat in an emergency room some 27 months ago and heard the words,

your son has leukemia,

our lives changed forever."

~Luca's dad

A sweet little girl named Piper stood and sang a song called,

If I listen with my heart, I hear the Savior's Voice.

She was almost to the end of the song when her emotions

took hold of her and she began to cry.

There was not a dry in the entire chapel.

Bishop Richard C. Edgley then stood to offer a few words.

He reminded Luca's parents that as they listen with their hearts,

they will hear Luca's voice.

I really hate cancer.

However, I was again reminded today that there many

things cancer can't take away.

It can't take away love, memories or families.

one of my fav things

2012-01-11T07:34:00.001-07:00

One might say that I'm obsessed with Jello.

Hey, I'm from Utah, what do you expect?

I have heard that

Salt Lake City, has earned the dubious distinction of having the

highest per capita consumption of Jell-O not only in the US,

but in the whole world.

Anyway, I have been making these cute little jello cups obsessively for the past

few weeks. I even switched to the sugar free version.

It really is a Delicious snack.

Tomorrow I am going to try lemon jello with shredded carrots.

What's your favorite?

P.S. Kristen loved jello too, but it had to be plain.

more pictures

2012-01-08T12:18:00.004-07:00

Yesterday my niece, Hailey, came over toting her photo albums.

She said she had been looking through them and had some cute pictures of

Kristen. We scanned them and then laughed at how funny they were.

This first one is the cousins at a sleep over at Grandma Kirton's house.

Grandma bought all the girls matching nightgowns for Christmas.

Half Moon Lake 1993 or 1994

Kate's wedding 2001

Hailey's Birhtday

Kristen is between her cousins and sisters holding a flashlight.

She loved flashlights.

Hailey thinks Kristen was just about to push someone in the pool.

I love to see pictures of Kristen, I especially love to see the pictures that

I have never seen before. I also love to hear stories about her.

Another Angel

2012-01-06T14:41:00.001-07:00

Sweet and amazing Katie lived a full life in thirteen years.

Katie was a perfect example of living life to the fullest.

She was always full of so much love and kindness for anyone she met.

Katie loved to sing and dance.

This past December she performed her last

dance recital. Her family had no idea this would be

her last dance here on earth.

Katie's brother said,

"A person can change eternity for a person

with one smile, one laugh or with one moment,

and our Katie did that for everyone."

Just a few weeks ago Katie was dancing and full of life.

Please keep her family in your prayers.

I have said this many times before

and some might not agree with me,

but I believe these precious children of ours

are sent here only for a short time.

They come into our lives and change them for the better,

and then they are gone. Our children can accomplish

in just a few short years, what takes some of us an eternity to accomplish.

Hold yours extra close today.

not about the politics

2012-01-06T08:48:00.000-07:00

This isn't about politics, at all.
This video has been floating around Facebook for the past few days.
I wanted to share it because this man truly loves his daughter.
She is the center of their universe.
I have often said the same about Kristen.
She is truly what makes my world go around.
Our children truly do make life better.

Happy New Year

2012-01-01T08:56:00.001-07:00

First off...

Every single child on Reece's Rainbow Angel Tree

made their goal!

Thank you for those who supported Maribel

and all of the other angels.

Hopefully each of these children will be blessed with

a family in 2012, and families will be

blessed with these precious children.

Our New Year celebration began with the

annual blowing up of the gingerbread houses

followed by the annual

burning of the Christmas tree and

many fireworks

and a lantern for our girl.

I wish I had something profound to say as we begin yet another year.

But, I'm still trying to find my own way.

Something that I am seeking for, something that might seem simple to some,

yet for me, for the past 17 1/2 months,

has been anything but simple...

Peace and Joy

Hopefully, we can all find it in 2012

one of my favorites

2011-12-30T19:58:00.001-07:00

One of my favorite things is a gingerbread boy with

a missing arm or leg.

I also love a gingerbread house with little bite marks

on the gum drops.

I found both of these today as I began to put the

Christmas decorations away.

I had to smile as I thought of those little stinkers.

At least I know they will always look forward to

grandma's gingerbread.

This quote reminded me of my grandchildren

and what I hope for them.

In fact, I could use this as I begin a new year.

I think we all need to

explore, dream and discover a little more.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things

that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.

So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor.

Catch the trade winds in your sails.

Explore. Dream. Discover.”

― Mark Twain

Prayers for Sweet Ashton

2011-12-28T10:47:00.003-07:00

Please keep Ashton and her mother, Leah, in your prayers.

This is Ashton just a short time ago

I love this picture. It reminds me so much of Kristen.

This is exactly what she loved to do, tease.

Ashton has been admitted to the hospital.

She isn't doing so well and could use some extra prayers.

a little more Christmas

2011-12-27T20:30:00.003-07:00

Christmas sure came and went in a hurry.

I am thankful that we were able to carry out many

traditions that are so meaningful to our family.

I was tired of Richard getting stung every time he went out to the bee hive.

I thought it was time for a bee suit.

He looks a little scary, but I think he really likes his new outfit.

"There is no better time than now, this very Christmas season, for all of us to rededicate ourselves to the principles taught by Jesus Christ.

Because He came to earth, we have a perfect example to follow. As we strive to become more like Him, we will have joy and happiness in our lives and peace each day of the year. It is His example which, if followed, stirs within us more kindness and love, more respect and concern for others.

Because He came, there is meaning to our mortal existence.

Because He came, we know how to reach out to those in trouble or distress,

wherever they may be.

Because He came, death has lost its sting, the grave its victory.

We will live again because He came.

Because He came and paid for our sins, we have the opportunity to gain eternal life."

~Thomas S. Monson

Hidden Angels: American families saving children with Down syndrome

2011-12-26T19:43:00.002-07:00

This is a must see. My husband has watched this news segment at least 3 times. His heart stops every time they show the girls who have Down syndrome who are in the institution.
I keep telling him that we need to go and save Catherine!
I had the opportunity to meet Kecia this past May. I have followed her adoption story for months. You can visit her blog here. Mia is one blessed little girl.

I wish...

2011-12-24T22:32:00.000-07:00

that a cemetery wasn't part of our Christmas celebration.

Rich and I went early and lit the candles and turned on the tree lights.

I left a basket of bells for the kiddies.

I told them to choose a bell and jingle it, then they could either take it

with them or hang it on Kristen's tree.

When we first arrived at the cemetery, my dad and Kristen were

already being visited by Christmas geese.

We returned later to see the soft glow of Christmas lights and candles.

As hard as this Christmas season has been,

I am so thankful that the promise of Christmas is everywhere.

Two thousand years ago, a new star appeared in the heavens,

signaling a glorious birth, a new beginning, a radiant hope.

No star ever shone so brightly.

No birth ever changed the world so much.

No simple gathering of parent and child was ever so glorious and so promising.

Christmas through the years

2011-12-23T22:30:00.001-07:00

I can hardly believe it's already Christmas.

It doesn't really feel like it. I'm not sure if it's the lack of snow

or exactly what, but things seem strange this year.

I have been really busy, maybe that is part of it.

I finally watched It's a Wonderful Life. I was hoping that would put me in the

Christmas mood, but it didn't so much.

I started looking through Christmas photos and found several ones that are

so cute. As my children were growing up, I was always sure to get a picture

of them at Christmas. I am missing a few years, but I am hopeful I will find

the missing pictures soon.

This is from 1986, Kristen's first Christmas

1987

1988

1990

1995

1997

I find myself missing Kristen more than I could ever imagine.

She LOVED Christmas.

Everything reminds me of her.

I am so very thankful for the gift of Kristen.

I honestly feel that she is truly a blessing and one of the greatest

gifts our family ever received.

She gave us all so much.

Because of Kristen we know that true courage and strength exist.

that their is JOY in the smallest and most simple things.

Because of her, we all try harder to be better people.

She continues to be our star, our light in the darkness,

our shining example.

To my family and friends and to those strangers who continue

to pray and support us,

"We Wish you a Merry Christmas from Heaven and Earth."

The bears are ready

2011-12-19T20:18:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow we will make our 4th Build a Bear drop.

The bears are being delivered to the children in the ICS unit

at Primary Children's Hospital.

This will bring the total bears delivered in Kristen's name to just under 100.

When Kristen was a patient there she received a Build a Bear and it

completely made her day. We are hoping to return the favor by making

a few children smile.

I am so thankful to many friends and family who donated bears.

Thank you so very much!

Last week Ryan finished his Eagle project.

He made and collected items for these 24 activity bags.

These bags were also delivered to the children in the ICS unit.

Thank you again to the many who helped with these projects.

Now I think it is time for a Christmas smile from our sweet angel.

Dave is home...

2011-12-14T07:59:00.000-07:00

and has been for a couple of weeks.

He came came home a few days before Thanksgiving.

I would have to say he is more than excited to be HOME!

Welcome Home Dave

Thank You

for all you do for our freedom.

Tis the season

2011-12-12T20:40:00.001-07:00

Before the kiddies arrived...

After they arrived...

Yes Dave, You are one of the kids.

The tree is finally finished

It just wouldn't seem like Christmas without a

dance recital.

More to come

much more.

"...that their light may always shine."

2011-12-11T08:07:00.001-07:00

Worldwide Candle Lighting

Tonight at 7pm

The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting

unites family and friends around the globe

in lighting candles for one hour to honor

and remember children who have died

at any age from any cause.

As candles are lit at 7 p.m. local time,

creating a virtual wave of light,

hundreds of thousands of persons

commemorate and honor

the memory of children

in a way that transcends all ethnic,

cultural, religious, and political boundaries.

Please light a candle for Kristen

and for all our other friends who

have gone all too soon.

In memory of those who walk more closely in the hands of God

2011-12-09T21:25:00.001-07:00

To some it might seem strange that I regularly visit cemeteries.

One in particular, I visit almost every single day.

Another, the Salt Lake City Cemetery, I visit once a year.

Today was that day.

There is an angel there,

The Christmas Box Angel

This is place where grieving parents can go to grieve and heal.

This is my second year seeking out the angel.

Today as my son, Ryan and I, walked through the cemetery,

I saw the most unusual headstone. I could tell from a far distance

that the statue was a small boy standing in a wheelchair.

I practically ran to the statue.

This is what I found...

As I stood there I could hardly move.

The saying on Matthew's headstone was also so fitting for Kristen

and her many friends.

It reminded me that I am so very blessed to call Kristen my daughter.

She truly inspired and continues to inspire my heart.

How blessed we are to have these special children in our lives.

The Christmas Box Angel

And now to the cemetery that I visit daily...

The cemetery where both Kristen and my dad are buried had a

gathering the other night.

All of the children made luminaries and sky lanterns were passed out.

I made sure Kristen's tree was in place and decorated

and that my dad had a wreath.

We all gathered together, lit candles and sent up the sky lanterns.

I quote the headstone of a little boy named Matthew,

My Dad and Kristen,

with their legacy complete in love

have returned home again to God,

to behold His face and be wholly healed in joy

forever more.

Maribel has a Family

2011-12-07T15:09:00.000-07:00

Miss Maribel has moved to the

"My family has found me!"

section of Reece's Rainbow.

I don't have any other information at the moment , but when I know any

of the details I will be sure to share them.

Please continue to keep Maribel and her new family in your prayers.

They still have a lot of work ahead of them and are in need of raising a lot more

money to bring her home.

What a wonderful day for Maribel

Santa Coke

2011-12-05T17:19:00.000-07:00

I was really disappointed when I saw that coke had polar bears on their Christmas coke.

It's a crazy thing to be disappointed about, but you see,

Kristen loved Santa coke.

When she was in the hospital she would even order Santa coke.

Looks like I didn't need to be disappointed at all, look what Kamie found today...

Awesome Santa Coke

Life has been crazy lately. I've said it time and time again that I would not allow

myself to get so busy with things that don't matter.

Now I have found myself too busy with things that do matter.

I don't really know what to do about it other than to just keep going.

Hopefully in a few days things will slow down a bit.

Ryan is almost finished with his eagle scout project.

He has been making activity bags for the children in the cancer unit.

We are also going to be dropping off Build a Bears to the children in the cancer unit

in Kristen's name. This will be the 3rd year that we have been able to deliver

the bears. Thank you to everyone who has donated a bear.

I just have to share these next pictures of these 2 little cuties I tended today.

trees are sold!

2011-12-01T08:05:00.001-07:00

Kristen's tree

"Christmas Magic"

Katy and Kamie both helped me decorate this tree.

I think Kristen would have LOVED it.

Kamie donated and decorated a tree for my dad. She wanted to surprise my mom.

I think my mom was rather surprised. My mom really wanted to buy the tree,

so she bid on the tree and didn't get it.

The ornaments on this tree are

Waterford's 12 days of Christmas

They are fabulous.

The tree is called

"Grandpa's Tree"

Kamie also decorated a tree for Kristen.

This tree is called

"Missing our Angel"

I also decorated a tree for another cancer warrior.

Her name is Jessenia and her tree is called.

"Message from Heaven"

All of our trees sold opening night. We are so thankful to all

of those who support the festival. Everyone is so generous with their donations.

Between both Kamie and I we were able to raise over $1400.00 for the hospital.

One more thing...
the family room has been cleaned and a tree has been
decorated for Kristen's table.

One tree down...

2011-11-27T17:59:00.003-07:00

and four to go.

We delivered our first of 5 trees to the festival today.

This tree is called

"Stars of Hope"

One of the responsibilities of each committee is to donate one item to the

Festival of Trees. Our committee chose to do a small tree.

It turned out to be one of my favorites.

Tomorrow the other 4 trees will be delivered.

The trees have taken over my family room and my life for the past few weeks.

My husband keeps walking in and stumbling upon the mess.

He asked if I thought I could clean the mess up yet.

I told him after Monday the mess would be gone.

I love all of the trees that we are donating.

I'll post better pictures of each tree as soon as they are finished..

Here is a brief look into the mess...

and a few of my helpers

See you at the Festival

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

2011-11-24T11:05:00.001-07:00

To whoever has donated to Maribel's adoption fund.

$1195.00 has been raised since November 1st.

She now has $2498.50 available toward her adoption.

We all know that every dollar raised brings her one step

closer to finding her family.

Hopefully this will be her last

Thanksgiving without

a family.

I couldn't post without another picture of Kristen.

This her in 2007 waiting for dinner to be served. She doesn't look so happy in the

first picture. However, she was soon laughing her guts out,

as you can see in the second picture, Kamie has just been hit with a napkin.

Yup, that was Kristen sitting across the table throwing things at Kamie.
I just noticed everyone else has grape juice, except Kristen,
she has a tall glass of milk.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone

what are you thankful for...

2011-11-23T10:34:00.004-07:00

I find myself wondering what exactly to do with myself today.
Oh I have plenty of things I should be doing...
finishing continuing education hours so we can renew our business licence,
helping Ryan finish up his merit badges and his eagle project,
clean my house,
laundry,
grocery shop,
make some delicious pies,
put the finishing touches on 5 Christmas trees that need to be finished by Monday morning,
and the list is endless.
But I don't feel like doing any of it.
I just miss Kristen too much.
When people say the holidays are difficult, you have no idea.
I went back and looked at my blog post from Kristen's last Thanksgiving.
We spent it in the hospital.
I thought I would re-post it as it probably would do me some good to take my own advice from
2 years ago. So here it is...

November 25th, 2009

I could really be bummed today, spending Thanksgiving in the hospital with a sick little girl. But I choose not to. It seems the bitter chill of adversity has been chasing me for some time; however, I am quick to realize that I am surrounded by goodness and that I am being cheered on from every side. I may not be feasting on Thanksgiving, but I will take time to give thanks.

I am grateful for the pleasures that encircle me;
Anti-nausea drugs
Chemo-therapy (as much as I hate the side effects, it is a hope for yet another remission)
Well trained doctors and nurses who truly care and who have become our friends
A private room with a window and a roll out bed
A healthy body and mind which enables me to take care of another
Responsible kind caring children who also know how to prepare a Thanksgiving feast
A husband who is selfless
A mother who calls each morning
Family and friends who check in on a daily basis just waiting to offer help in any way they can
Kind words from a stranger

On this Thanksgiving I could be full of negative emotions that bind hearts; anger, resentment, bitterness. Instead I choose to fill my soul with love, faith and thanksgiving.

and now some pictures from that day 2 years ago

I'll take that last sentence from 2 years ago,

On this Thanksgiving I could be full of negative emotions that bind hearts; anger, resentment, bitterness. Instead I choose to fill my soul with love, faith and thanksgiving.

and see if I can change my attitude. I think I'll start with the pies.

some Kristen cuteness

2011-11-19T20:33:00.001-07:00

Don't you just LOVE this picture.

I am always so excited when someone drops off a picture of Kristen,

especially when I don't remember seeing it before.

This is Kristen and her cousin Kylie. They were born 2 months apart.

This was taken in 2005 when they were both 19.

I especially love her yellow crocs.

A quick update on Maribel...

We were hoping to raise her adoption fund by $1000.00 before the end of the year.

I am so HAPPY to say that $950.00 has already been donated to her account.

This brings the total in her fund to $2253.50.

I'm hoping we can continue to see her fund grow.

Please continue to pray for Maribel. She needs a family NOW!

Be sure to see all the Christmas angels here.

2011-11-13T09:03:00.001-07:00

So much of loss is about change and transformation. Your loved one has transformed into a

new form, one that is unseen but still vibrant. And you too are transforming into a new you,

one breath at a time. Although you may feel stuck in your cocoon -- and time there is

essential -- there will be a time when your wings will fly. ~Grieving Mothers

So glad to know that being stuck here in my cocoon is okay.

A quick peek at another tree we are decorating for another cancer warrior.

Her tree is called

"Message from Heaven"

I found this picture from Greg Olsen, it is called "Message from Heaven"

I thought it would be perfect to build a tree around. I think the the message

we are supposed to get from the picture is one of peace and joy. I believe if

our children could send us a message it would be one of peace of joy. First, that

they are enjoying peace and joy and second, that they want us to also

have that same peace and joy they are enjoying.

I still have a lot of work to do on this tree, but it's coming along.

The picture of the angel will be placed under the tree.

"Freedom is never Free" ~author unknown

2011-11-11T08:17:00.003-07:00

President Woodrow Wilson first proclaimed an Armistice Day for

November 11, 1918.

In proclaiming the holiday, he said,

"To us in America, the reflections of Armistice Day will be filled with solemn pride in the heroism of those who died in the country's service and with gratitude for the victory, both because of the thing from which it has freed us and because of the opportunity it has given America to show her sympathy with peace and justice in the councils of the nations."

On May 26, 1954, Armistice was replaced with "Veterans" as

President Dwight Eisenhower signed it into law

Today as we celebrate Veterans Day, I will be keeping a

few soldiers close in my thoughts.

Dave is in Iraq

Bradey is in Afghanistan.

Ashleigh is attending boot camp in Illinois

Dave is my son in law. Dave was deployed before he and Kim

celebrated their first wedding anniversary.

Bradey is married to my niece, Hailey.

This is the first deployment for both Dave and Bradey.

I cannot believe the sacrifices both of these families are making.

Dave and Bradey are both true heroes.

I have also spent a lot of time with Kim and Hailey

and these girls are also heroes.

Next is Ashleigh. She is the daughter of my friend, Joany.

She joined the Navy just months ago.

As tragedy struck their family this past month,

both Ashleigh and her family have shown amazing

strength and courage. Ashleigh has continued to stay the

course against all odds. She is also a true hero.

Another interesting fact about Veterans Day,

The holiday is often celebrated by having a ravioli meal.

This tradition dates back to the ending days of World War I

when President Woodrow Wilson, aware that the returning

soldiers would be longing for home cooked meals,

invited 2,000 soldiers to the White House and helped his

staff chefs cook them ravioli, which had just become

a mainstay in mainstream American kitchens

due to commercial canning.

It does not matter if you celebrate with a ravioli meal or not.

What matters is that you take time

to think about and pray for the brave men and women

who are serving our country and for their families.

"It is easy to take liberty for granted,

when you have never had it taken from you."

~ Unknown

November?

2011-11-10T17:05:00.002-07:00

Thanksgiving is two weeks away. I was walking around my house and

I couldn't find any hint that it was indeed November.

Wait, I did find this...

...fabulous, isn't it? All I could find are these tiny figures

along with a few left over pumpkins from Halloween.

I thought I must be an ungrateful soul. Where are all my Thanksgiving decorations?

It's that time of year when everyone is having their family pictures taken.

Here are 2 of my favorite families

This is a fun family picture from Katy's recent trip.

I hear she has her family picture scheduled in the near future.

What am I supposed to do about a family picture.

That is something I cannot do. I don't know if I will ever be able to do it.

When someone is missing, what do you do.

When you aren't in the mood for Thanksgiving I guess you move

right on to Christmas. I have this little corner in the family room,

actually it's Kristen's corner. For the moment it is surrounded not with turkeys

but with Christmas trees. The Festival of trees begins the week of November 28th.

Between Kamie and I, we are working on 5 trees.

Just today, Kamie told me the name of the tree she is donating in memory of Kristen.

It is called

"Missing our Angel"

It looks like it is going to be beautiful.

The tree I am doing for Kristen has changed and evolved many times.

I am currently waiting for a package to arrive from the Disney store containing some of these...

Kristen's tree will be called

"Christmas Magic"

I think it's going to be magical. I only wish she were here to enjoy it.

If you happen to live here in the valley, there are still many hosting shifts available

at the Festival of Trees. Go here to sign up.

It's a great opportunity and it is tons of fun.

I was looking through Thanksgiving pictures and I found this one from 2007.
This was several months before Kristen was diagnosed with leukemia.
She looks healthy and happy.
Check out her jewelry. She loved to wear bracelets and rings.

cookies for the homeless and a little gratitude

2011-11-07T21:10:00.000-07:00

A group from our church met today to feed the homeless. Yesterday in church I signed up to bring 2 dozen cookies. I was supposed to drop the cookie off by 4 pm. It was exactly 2:37 when I remembered the cookies. I’m not sure what it is with me, but I cannot remember anything. This has been going on for several months. I walk into a store and stand there and wonder what it was I was going to pick up. I finally started carrying a notebook around, but I forgot to write myself a note about the cookies. I hurried into the kitchen and someone had taken my recipe book. I couldn’t find it anywhere. I ran back to the computer and googled oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. I found a recipe from Betty Crocker. I didn’t have time for failures and I knew Betty wouldn’t let me down. I quickly stirred up the batch of cookies and threw the first dozen into the over. 9 minutes later, a perfect pan of cookies. I was excited as I knew I could easily have another dozen ready and cooled by 4. There is one thing I forgot, I burn everything. I can even burn a box of mac and cheese. Yup, that’s right, the second pan of cookies…burnt. For the next batch I seriously stood by the oven and watched them bake. 3^rd pan was a charm. I finally had my 2 dozen cookies (minus 2) ready to go.

As I walked home I started thinking about the homeless people and the meal they were about to be served. Would it be the first hot meal they had received in a very long while? Would they have a warm place to sleep? I then started thinking about all the blessings I have received. Every minute of every day I feel I am being blessed. I continually think of Kristen and all of the blessings she brought with her. She taught me that gratitude does not need to be saved for Thanksgiving. Every single day is filled with miracles and blessings. If we open our hearts we will find reasons to be grateful. I know well the reality of the world we live in. Life is not easy. We are surrounded by tragedies and troubles of every kind. There are many things wrong in the world, but there are also many things right. I truly believe as I lift myself above the negative thoughts and try with all my might to cultivate an attitude of gratitude I can go forward. I have come to realize as I

sincerely give thanks I am more able to recognize my blessings and all of the many blessings Kristen received. Having a grateful heart also unlocks the doors of heaven and I feel God’s love for me. Because I love someone in heaven, I long to feel heaven every single day.

Here is the recipe I tried today. It was pretty good, as long as you set the timer and don't burn them.

I only had rolled oats so I used them instead of quick oats, but the mixture was too dry so I added another egg and they seemed much better.

Betty Crocker Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 1/2 cups packed brown sugar

1 cup butter or margarine, softened

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 egg

2 cups quick-cooking oats

1 1/2 cups all-purpose or unbleached flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 cup semisweet chocolate chips (6 oz)

1 cup chopped nuts, if desired

Heat oven to 350°F.

In large bowl, stir brown sugar and butter until blended.

Stir in vanilla and egg until light and fluffy.

Stir in oats, flour, baking soda and salt; stir in chocolate chips and nuts.

Drop dough by rounded tablespoonfuls about 2 inches apart on ungreased cookie sheet.

Bake 9 to 11 minutes or until golden brown. Cool slightly; remove from cookie sheet to wire rack.

A quick update on the fundraising for Miss Maribel...

So far we have raised $110.00 Yay!!!!!!

I changed her donation box to a chip-in, that way we can have

a raffle or something fun. If you donate, it will take a day or so for the amount

to show in her box because the sweet ladies at Reece's rainbow have to

enter the numbers manually.

Thanks to all those who have donated so far.

Remember if you donate $35.00 you will receive a Christmas ornament.

The prayer of a child

2011-11-03T22:43:00.001-06:00

Tonight I hung out with Jordan and Sara.

We went up to Kristen’s room to find a game.

They love to be in her room and to look at all her many things,

especially her snow globes.

The kids always include Kristen in their prayers.

Usually Jordan says,

“Please let Kristen come back from heaven now.”

The other day his mom was rather surprised when Jordan said,

“Please let us all die soon so we can go to heaven to be with Kristen.”

Jordan’s mom secretly said a prayer of her own, “He didn’t really mean it.”

Sara could not figure our why Kristen didn't take her watch with her to heaven.

Halloween was difficult this year. I really thought I was going to be alright,

then all of a sudden I pretty much lost it. I started crying and couldn't stop.

I turned off all the lights and went upstairs and sat in Kristen's room.

I think Rich must have noticed that I was having a hard time and he asked if I wanted to go

to the cemetery. Even though it was late, I said yes. Her pumpkin that I had dropped

off earlier was glowing. The night was still and quiet.

The dried leaves from a nearby tree had rested around her headstone.

I soon noticed that the windmill that was placed between her headstone and my fathers

started spinning. It started going faster and faster. I looked at Rich and asked him

if the wind was blowing. We both looked around and neither of us thought it was.

Shhh

2011-11-02T20:30:00.000-06:00

My youngest son, Ryan, would have a fit if he knew I was talking about him,

and even more if he knew I was about to post his picture.

But I just can't help myself.

He is just weeks away from earning his Eagle Scout.

One of the requirements is that you do a project that will help

an organization or the community. My older son painted several fire hydrants

throughout the city for his project, and many of the boys in our area clear trails

in the mountains. When I asked Ryan what he wanted to do he said that he

wanted to do something for the children in the cancer unit at the hospital

where Kristen was treated. He has decided to make 24 activity bags for the

children. He can receive help, but he has to totally

be in charge of the project. When Kristen had her bone marrow transplant she received

a special blanket. He also wants to make several blankets for the

transplant patients. Tonight I taught Ryan to sew a bag.

I was actually surprised at how straight all of

his seams were. He made 2 bags tonight, one with Sponge Bob and the other

Dora the Explorer. He did a really Great job.

He is excited to get the rest of the bags finished and then to go

shopping for items to fill the bags.

I'll keep you posted and show the rest of the bags as soon as he finishes them.

I can already tell that the children are going to LOVE these bags.

Christmas Warrior

2011-11-01T18:26:00.000-06:00

This is Maribel

She is waiting for a family.

Maribel was born in August 2007
She has brown eyes, brown hair and she is a calm little girl.
She has mild heart disease which does not require an operation.
Maribel is reasonably active and she loves to play with other children.
She is a big help for her caretakers.
She watches animated cartoons with great and concentrated interest.
She is in the group with regular children.
She is very nice and has beautiful eyes!
She is facing the institution very soon!
She is described as a kind girl, affectionate with others.
She knows her name and is able to distinguish between others.
She loves to play with toys.
She eats and sleeps well.
MORE PHOTOS AVAILABLE, SINGLE MOMS WELCOME!

Maribel is being featured on Reece's Rainbow on their Angel Tree

I am so excited to be her Christmas Warrior!

The goal of the Angel Tree is to raise $1000 or more as an adoption grant for each waiting child with Down syndrome featured on the angel tree.

There is no shortage of families wishing to adopt these children, only a shortage of funds to do so. The more you are able to raise or give, the better that child's chances are of finding a forever family. They are truly living on borrowed time.

With each $35.00 donation you will receive a Christmas ornament with a picture of the child you donated to.

In my side bar you will see a donation box, Currently Maribel has $1303.50 in her account. My goal is to raise that number by at least $1000.00 by Christmas. I NEED your help! Donations are tax deductible.

I also ask that you pray for Maribel. She needs a family SOON, as she does not have much longer until she is sent to an institution.

More to come!

21 facts

2011-10-29T18:46:00.002-06:00

In celebration of Down syndrome awareness month, here are 21 facts about Kristen...

1. Kristen was born on a rainy Saturday afternoon in May.

We had no prenatal testing and no ultrasound, so we were surprised

to find out she was a girl and even more surprised to find out she was

carrying an extra chromosome.

2. Kristen was healthy, other than she had an ASD (atrial septal defect),

which was a hole in her heart. She did not need surgery to repair it as it closed

on it's own by her 5th Birthday.

3. Kristen was a happy bright eyed baby.

4. Kristen was Raggedy Ann for her first Halloween.

5. Kristen walked before her second birthday and was potty trained by her third birthday.

6. She went to preschool when she was 3 years old.

She never really liked school.

7. Kristen learned some sign language and made up many of her own signs.

8. She LOVED Better Cheddar crackers.

She always had a box within reach.

9. Kristen and her brother had a pet lamb named Lucy.

10. Kristen loved to play with her brothers cap guns.

She even asked Santa for a gun.

11. Kristen always wanted a yellow car.

I think that is the only thing she ever wanted that she didn't get.

12. Kristen was a stinker. She loved to play tricks on everyone.

13. She loved her birthday and Christmas. In fact, she loved all of the holidays.

14. Kristen fought Leukemia for almost 8 of her 24 years.

15. When Kristen was 18, she was diagnosed with hypothyroidism.

16. She did not like treats, especially candy. Once in a while she would ask for

ice cream, a chocolate chip cookie or a chocolate cupcake with NO frosting.

17. She loves her family and we all love her.

18. Kristen re-defined the words courage and bravery.

19. Her laughter and smile could light up any room.

20. She is missed more than we could possibly ever say.

21. Kristen is our angel. She's everyone's angel.

She's our little pumpkin.

don't stop believing

2011-10-26T22:50:00.001-06:00

A quick update on 2 girls we have been praying for.

Joany had this report on her daughter Ashleigh,

"We received a letter from Ashleigh today.
She asked that we thank all who have sent cards or letters.

She said, "Those letters and cards of encouragement coming from so many

people have really helped me cope with this tragic loss."

She seems to be doing o.k., but is worried about us.

Please keep those cards and letters flowing.

She needs all the encouragement she can get!"

Ashleigh's Grandmother has also asked that we keep the cards coming.

Ashleigh is scheduled to be home November 18th,

so hurry and send a card today!

send me an e-mail and I will get you the address.

sheisourangel@gmail.com

An update on Anna

Monday morning, after a weekend of many prayers, Anna's mom reported...

"Anna has had the best day in about 3 weeks!!!!

She was up, laughing, playing with the nurses, and EATING!!!

Of all things she was craving Queso and chips, a hot dog, and donuts.

Eye sight is improving. Still some neurological issues but those will reverse in time!!!!

THANKS for all your prayers!!!!

I think Anna says it all.

DON'T STOP BELIEVING

prayers for another cancer warrior

2011-10-22T05:45:00.001-06:00

Our sweet friend Anna needs some extra prayers this morning.

Anna is 10 years old and lives in Tennessee.

She was diagnosed with AML (the same leukemia Kristen had) in May.

She had a bone marrow transplant about 25 days ago.

She has had a very difficult time and has not felt well.

Yesterday she became confused and disoriented.

She had a CT scan and spots were found on her brain.

She will have a MRI this morning and could use all the help she could possibly receive.
Anna needs a miracle.
Please pray for her.

a few more crafts

2011-10-20T20:50:00.000-06:00

Crafty I'm not, thankfully, my girls are. We have 2 weeks until our handmade donated

items need to be ready for the festival, which is a fundraiser for the

Children's Hospital here in the valley.

We have had fun making several different items. The past few days we have been
making hair clips and headbands. They remind me so much of Kristen.
When she lost her hair we made her several..
She wouldn't leave the house without a bow or a hat.
Her bow board still hangs in her room full of bows, headbands and flowers
These turned out so cute that we decided to make several more for the cancer patients.

Please continue to pray for the George family. Joany has mentioned that her

daughter Ashleigh, who is in basic training, is very distraught. She has asked that we send

Ashleigh a card or a letter of encouragement.

You can send me an e-mail me and I'll get you the address.

"Before this day is over...

2011-10-19T19:14:00.001-06:00

make the path brighter for someone else.

It doesn't take any special insight

to realize that our own path

will brighten up in the process."

~Greg Olsen

I've been thinking a lot lately about all of the people that have lit my path.

Most days I feel like I'm lost in the woods and can't find my way out.

My husband, my children, my mother and

my faith have definitely been the ones that have kept me on my feet.

Sometimes being on my feet isn't enough.

I get tired of wandering and I want to get back on the path.

I have found that it is the friends that

I have met here that are lighting my path.

I have received so much encouragement and support that it brings me to tears.

My friends here are keeping Kristen's light alive and sharing her story.

Just the other day, Joyce had this to say about

an experience she had with Kristen;

"Mine include a talking angel.

A sweet, beautiful girl named Kristen Ann Kirton,

who no longer walks this earthly life yet somehow stopped traffic,

blocked a turning car,

played the perfect song at just the right moment,

dined with me and walked beside me through a shopping mall.
She opened my car door when I was afraid to move."

Heather recently ran a race for the precious children

that have touched her life because of

Zoey's journey and her fight against leukemia.

Kristen was included in these children she was running for.

Heather had this to say;

"I round a corner and see the bay in all it's beauty and I visualize all the beautiful faces of my mighty cancer warriors and I begin to cry.

I asked all my angel warriors, at the beginning of that race, to help me see this thing to the end and you know,

I knew they would, and they certainly did."

Another friend said,

"Kristen showed me that every minute is worth truly

living and worth living with joy."

Tiara from Indonesia said,

"Today when I was on the bus from college, I was very tired and lucky to get a seat. Then I noticed a boy and his dad, they didn't have a seat. When I looked up I realized that the boy had Down syndrome. Suddenly I forgot I was tired and gave my seat to him. Do you know why I did that?

Because I remember Kristen and all of her stories."

There are many many more stories that have warmed my heart
and brightened my path.
To all of you, you are a rare and gifted light at a time
in my life that has been filled with so much less.
Thank for continuing to light my path.

for Joany

2011-10-17T18:33:00.001-06:00

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

love does last forever

2011-10-11T10:37:00.002-06:00

My heart has been heavy the past few days thinking about Joany and her family. At this point, all I know is that there was a fire in their home and their son perished. Joany and Paul were not home at the time. Their daughter, Ashleigh, who is serving in the Navy, should be on her way home soon. As I stood in my warm home surrounded my family
I almost felt guilty that I could have such a comfort when my friend Joany doesn't even have a home to go home to. Was it right that I was surrounded by my children and my grandchildren as they were making caramel apples? Was it right that we were smiling and laughing together as a family?
I have come to know that life is fragile. Things can change in a very short time. Kristen has taught me to live each and every day to the fullest, because none of us know when it might be out last, or the last one of someone we love. Every single day should be treated as the last day. I am sure that when my day comes and I look back on my life, it isn't going to be the material things that I wish I had more of. I'm not going to wish I had spent more time at the office or at the salon pampering myself. It is times spent with those I love and care about that are going to have the most meaning. I believe we are here to serve others and to serve God. Everything else is secondary. I know that love, compassion, kindness and memories lasts forever. Those are the things we will take with us into the next life. I believe with my whole heart that the tragic death of both Brad and Carly were not in vain. I believe that both their lives and their deaths can teach us great truths and help us all to try harder to be better people.

Eric Lund had leukemia. He had courage and humor that sustained him through the painful months of his illness. When he was laying near death in a hospital in New York, he saw the despair and anguish on his mothers face. He then said something very beautiful and powerful.
"Mom, walk in the world for me."
What he was really saying to his mother was this:
"Mother, I don't want my death to diminish your life.
I want you to live better and love deeper because I was here."
(taken from Grieving by Deanna Edwards)

That is what I believe we can all learn from the death of Brad, of Carly and of Kristen.

Lets all do whatever we can do for the George family. I do have an address where cards can be sent. e-mail me if you need the address.
Go out and make some memories with those you love and always remember,
Love lasts forever.

friends forever

2011-10-10T22:44:00.001-06:00

Meet David

Davids mother, Jolene, and I grew up together.

We were best friends for as long as I can remember.

We went to elementary school together, we spent our summers riding bikes,

swimming in the ditches, staying up late and just having fun.

Then the unthinkable happened, at least to my 3rd grade mind,

Jolene moved away. We kept in touch for a few years, then life kinda happened

and we didn't talk or see each other for years.

When Kristen was 10 years old, I got a call from Jolene's mom.

Jolene had just given birth to her 4th child.

David was born with Down syndrome.

Jolene and I joked that it must have been the ditch water that we both swam in.

We both feel very blessed to have Kristen and David.

Jolene has given me so much support. She continually checked in

on Kristen and brought her many gifts.

Now she continues to support my projects.

Today it was a pleasure to have Jolene, her mother and David stop by.

David is so funny. He reminds me of Kristen in so many ways.

He is happy and most of all he makes me smile.

Jolene brought with her 2 awesome bears for our Build a Bear drop in December.

I know the children with cancer will love these bears.

Thank you David for making my day!

Prayers Please

2011-10-09T09:46:00.000-06:00

I don't even know what to say.
The George family lost Carly only 3 months before Kristen passed away.
Carly also had Down syndrome.
Today the George family also lost their son, Brad.
Please remember Joany and Paul and Ashley in your prayers today.

Christmas at the George home 2008
Carly with Brad in the back.
Ashley is sitting on the floor, she recently left for basic training as she has recently joined the navy.

weekend fun

2011-10-08T23:15:00.001-06:00

We are still in a bit of a cold spell here. There is nothing like pulling out the hot chocolate maker on a cold Saturday afternoon. For the past 2 days I have had two boxes of tomatoes sitting in the kitchen. There were several times I wish I could throw them at something or someone just for the fun of it. Kim finally gave in and started canning them today. The whole time she was washing, scalding and peeling the tomatoes she was singing, "I can, can." It took me a minute to get it but I finally did. I really don't like canning because I can't stand the mess, but I am always happy when I have a shelf lined with freshly canned fruit or vegetables.
I was looking through some old files and I came upon a folder labeled Down syndrome. In this file I found a Down syndrome newsletter dated October 2000. I found this poem and I kind of liked it so I thought I would share it.

The Special Ones

by Janese Bateman

The special ones are here,

with their rounded cheeks and almond shaped eyes,

with their innocent smiles and tiny hands.

Have you met one?

So sweet and sinless.

The special ones are here,

with their cute little sayings and unexpected surprises,

with their songs and fun little games.

How did you treat them?

Did you include and welcome them?

The special ones are here,

Did you love one?

Have you taught and learned from one?

So close to God, they have so much to teach.

Did you play with one?

Have you dance, sung and imagined with one?

The special ones are here,

Did you get to know one?

Do you know why they are so special?

Those valiant children-

Did you meet one?

Did you talk to one?

Did you love one?

Claire talking to Kristen's singing dog

Everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn. ~Elizabeth Lawrence

2011-10-07T20:39:00.000-06:00

Every day for the past few weeks I have gone outside and sat in the swing. Each day I notice a few more leaves have changed. Yesterday, this is what I saw...

So I hurried out and gathered all of these...

With the cooler weather, I spent some time inside and finally finished Kristen's Halloween photo blocks. I found pictures of her in different Halloween costumes. Some of them make me laugh as I can remember how funny she was and how much she liked to get dressed up.

While were at the mall today, Kim took Ellie into Build A Bear and told her she could have a bear. She said she didn't want one for herself, but that she wanted to make one for the sick children in the hospital. They were even having a buy one get one sale so Kim told Ellie she could have one and give one to the children in the hospital. Ellie said that she wanted both of them to go to the children in the hospital. She was especially excited to choose a Wizards of Waverly Place bear because she knew Kristen would love it. The kiddies know that we take bears to the children in the cancer unit. They really are so excited to help.

My children are more kind and more loving because of Kristen. I can also say that my grandchildren have learned a few things from Kristen. It is so true that children with Down syndrome will change your life in ways you could have never imagined. Where else could you find a 4 year old who was happy to pass up a cute new bear just so that a sick child could have one? Kristen taught us to slow down a bit and notice the small and simple things in life, like the changing of the leaves.

October

2011-10-03T21:52:00.001-06:00

I Can hardly stand the thought of going Pumpkin shopping without her.

She liked October just as much as I do.

I'll make sure to choose a pumpkin she would have chosen.

I'm getting my "Monster Mash" cookie jars ready to go

and some lanterns for Kristen's table.

I'm thinking the grand-kiddies are going to want to make some of these.

Holland

2011-10-02T18:55:00.001-06:00

Most of you are familiar with the "Welcome to Holland" story
written by Emily Perl Kingsley.

I get the whole part about planning for something and then getting something completely different than you thought you were going to get, like planning a trip to Italy and finding yourself in Holland.

However I don't agree with this...
~But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there.
And for the rest of your life, you will say
"Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

The pain of finding out that my new baby had Down syndrome did go away. Yes it is true, It was a surprise and I was a little scared. OK, a lot scared. However, I had this beautiful little baby girl to hold in my arms. I found comfort in my family and friends who supported me greatly. I also found comfort in the baby I held in my arms. I soon found out that this was all going to be alright. I became caught up in the things I needed to learn. I knew nothing about Down syndrome and the more I learned the more I knew I could do this. Besides, I had fallen in love with my little girl. It might take an hour, a week, 2 weeks, or longer but the pain does go away. You'll soon find yourself in a whole new world. It might be a different world than you planned, but you'll see, it's a beautiful world. Kristen definitely took me to Holland, but she didn't stop there. We pretty much covered the world, together.

This purple rose bush is a gift from a neighbor. She brought the plant over in the spring, with tears in her eyes she said, "It's called Angel Face."
She said she had been looking for this for a year, ever since Kristen passed away. She finally found one.
It is beautiful and it's full of blooms. Every time I walk past it I stop and smile and think of my little angel face smiling down on all of us.

October is Down syndrome awareness month

2011-10-01T10:38:00.001-06:00

The following is from an article written by Eileen Haupt;

Dr. Brian Skotko of Children’s Hospital in Boston estimates that a shocking 92 percent of babies diagnosed with Down syndrome in utero are aborted.

As tragic as this statistic is, a “perfect storm” is looming on the horizon that will threaten the very existence of individuals with Down syndrome in the future. A new maternal blood test that can definitively diagnose Down syndrome in the first trimester is expected to be available as early as next year.

It has callously been dubbed the “Holy Grail” of prenatal tests. One researcher quoted in a Canadian newspaper predicts more couples will choose testing and therefore, “slowly eradicate the disease.”

First of all, Down syndrome is not a “disease.” Furthermore, it is not Down syndrome that will be eradicated, like polio. It is the babies who have Down syndrome who will be eradicated.

The effect of the perfect storm is this: An early, accurate, non-invasive, prenatal test will lead to more women undergoing prenatal testing, which will lead to more babies with Down syndrome being diagnosed in utero, which will unquestionably lead to many more abortions.

Let’s be honest. This purpose of this test for Down syndrome is not to treat the children. This “Holy Grail” has one purpose only: To eradicate the children.

Those with Down syndrome typically possess unconditional love, innocence, affection, a sense of humor, determination, generosity, enthusiasm for the big and little things in life, and a special presence that can only be understood and appreciated by knowing them. This is why even the most advanced prenatal test is deficient. It cannot detect these qualities, nor can it convey to the pregnant mother the unspeakable joy her special child will bring her.

Makes you kinda sick, doesn't it? That is one of the reasons behind 31 for 21. We are a group who are trying to make a difference. We are here to say that having a child with Down syndrome is NOT the end of the world. It's the beginning of something beautiful. We, the mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers of these wonderful children are here to say, "You can do this! Stephanie said, "We are in this together. We share a common bond that will never be broken.. We live in a world that others don't understand. We see colors others can't imagine. And we know LOVE that cannot be described."

I invite you to hop over to visit Kecia, Rochelle and Elizabeth. These are just a few of my friends who have been touched by a child with Down syndrome, and they needed more. They moved mountains to bring another child with Down syndrome into their lives.

Having a child who has Down syndrome has by far been my

GREATEST blessing.

I needed her in my life to teach me things

I could never have learned without her.

God has a way of giving us just what we need in out lives.

last weeks projects

2011-09-27T09:23:00.005-06:00

50 angels complete!

(all except for filling them with candy)

These are sold at the Festival of Trees during the first week in December.
Thousands of these in many different patterns are made and sold.

All the money raised will go to the children's hospital that cared for Kristen.

I also have to register my trees by October 1st.

This year I will be decorating 2 trees,

one for Kristen and one for a fellow angel named Jessenia.

Hopefully in a few days I can give you a sneak peek at the trees.

Isabel has been waiting a long time for her Barney pillowcase.

I searched and searched for the fabric. I finally found the fabric on eBay.

I had enough to also make an activity bag.

This Cinderella blanket is on it's way to Gabby.

She is 6 years old and was recently diagnosed with leukemia.

She also has Down syndrome.

I think she will love it.

Ryan made this blanket, I know, he's awesome.

I found something for Kristen.

I guess it's really for me.

I know Kristen would have LOVED it.

She loved snow globes.

When I saw this one, I knew I had to have it.

It fits perfectly on her table.

This is where my day starts and ends.

It doesn't matter what I do, or how busy I become,

there is always a loneliness, a sadness, an emptiness

that is always present.

This is where I come to feel peace.

It's hard to explain.

Her things are all here, her drawers are filled with perfectly folded clothing,

her robe, her coat and her dresses hang in the closet.

I LOVE her room.

I guess it all has to do with missing her so much.

I often think of how cancer brought an end to Kristen's life,

But I am reminded that Kristen brought completion to her own life.

She lived her life to the fullest. She did what she was sent here to do.

She left many gifts that will endure forever.

Her light continues to shine and she will NEVER be forgotten.

One of her favorite characters speaks volumes.

Kali's blessing day

2011-09-25T21:06:00.002-06:00

Today was Kali's blessing day.

I'll have to admit that it was difficult to sit in church surrounded

by my children, my grandchildren, my mom and other family

members and know that someone was missing. It was all I could do to

not weep openly. I have learned over the past many months that joy

and sadness can exist at the same time. It was a joyful day to

celebrate the birth of a new grand daughter.

Kali was given the same middle name as Kristen.

I can hardly wait to share Kristen's life with Kali.

I know Kali will be so proud to share Kristen's name.

It took all day and into the night

but I finally got a picture of Kali

and she is even smiling.

Party at Grandma's

2011-09-24T22:51:00.001-06:00

I've got this,
I can tend 6 children at the same time.
However, I will need
coloring books, crayons,
lots of fries and chicken nuggets
and Milo and Otis.

Now it's time to clean, again.

save the date

2011-09-23T07:37:00.002-06:00

for Childhood Cancer Awareness

Monday, September 26th

Chili's will donate 100%

of their net profits to

St. Jude Children's Hospital

The very next day

Tuesday, September 27th

Cold Stone is having an Ice Cream Social

World's Largest Ice Cream Social

Cold Stone Creamery

get a FREE 3oz
Sprinkle With Wishes creation

in exchange for purchasing a

$1 Make-a-Wish paper star

that gets posted on the store wall.

100% of all donations made
at Cold Stone

during September will go
directly to the

Make-a-Wish Foundation

I've got our
Monday and Tuesday planned,

what can we do Wednesday?

some cuteness

2011-09-20T22:24:00.002-06:00

Before I even looked at the calendar, I knew what I would find.

I knew it was both Charlie and Heidi's Birthday.

Happy Birthday Charlie and Heidi

You are both Awesome! and I hope you both had a great day.

Besides being marked with a star for their birthday's it was also

marked with a little flower.

Next to the flower it said "14 Months"

I don't even know why I mark my calendar,

I already know exactly how long it's been.

14 months is a very long time.

I couldn't stop thinking about that Tuesday morning 14 months ago.

I pulled out a box of Kristen's pictures. I sat on the floor and I cried

and I laughed. She was such a little cutie pie.

She always made us smile.

I scanned a few more pictures and I just had to share them.

I'm pretty sure she'll make you smile too.

46 mommas

2011-09-20T08:24:00.002-06:00

What: 46 mommas will shave their heads

When: Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Where: Union Station , Washington DC

Time: 5-9pm

Why: "Your child has cancer."
Each weekday in the United States, 46 mothers hear these words. These 46 Mommas, represent those families. Each of them have heard those words. They are joining together, from all parts of the country, from all walks of life, to raise awareness and funds for Childhood Cancer Research. They have partnered with St Baldrick's to raise $1 Million.

You can visit their site here
Way to go Mommas!

All I need to do is figure out how I can join them next year!

heaven on earth

2011-09-17T21:49:00.001-06:00

I would like to introduce you to a

sweet child named Heaven

Isn't she Heavenly.

This sweet little girl sits in an orphanage. She is a number to the outside world.
No snuggles and kisses at night. No tender moments...
Until Now

I recently received an e-mail from someone I have never met.

. It would seem that this family has found

and fallen in love with Heaven.
It would also seem that my sweet Kristen

had something to do with this family finding Heaven.

Here is the e-mail...

Polly,
You will never know how special you and Kristen are to me. I followed your journey, laughed and cried so many times. Most importantly, I learned. I learned that Down Syndrome has many blessings with it. I knew things were not always easy, but they were always worth it. She was your ROCK star. Mine too. You taught me that Down Syndrome is nothing to be scared of. I was ignorant. Your daughters showed me how proud they were of Kristen, through your writing and pictures. You showed me that I could do it. Kristen showed me that every minute is worth truly living and worth living with joy. So now my family is taking a leap of faith and traveling to Bulgaria to bring this little treasure home. The moment I saw her I knew she was my child. Because of you, my heart was open to accept it. Thank you.
Nancy

If you are anything like me, you will probably need to run and get a tissue about now.

Kristen's life had touched so many.

Her light is shining like never before.

I often go to Reese's Rainbow to look at the children

who are waiting. I usually have to stop looking because I am brought to

tears. My heart aches for them.

I know I can't go and rescue one.

But there are things I can do.

I do it every day.

I pray for them.

I pray that they will be comforted.

I pray that they can feel peace and love.

I pray that their family will find them.

It's working.

Meet Maribel

She was born in August of 2007

She is described as a kind girl, calm and affectionate with others.
She knows her name and is able to distinguish between others.
She loves to play with toys.
She eats and sleeps well.
And look at the giant bow on her head! That means she is an orphanage favorite.
She is waiting for her family to find her.
Are you her mama?
She already has over $1200.00 in her adoption fund!

I am her Christmas Warrior!
which means she has a focused voice of advocacy
this Christmas.
I will be spotlighting her and sponsoring
a fundraiser among other things.

Please say a prayer for the children.

raising more hope

2011-09-13T08:16:00.001-06:00

Something else I'm learning

If I remain true to my deepest self

and to my heart,(even though it is broken)

my heart will be full

and Kristen's light will continue to shine.

And somewhere in there, if even for a moment,

I will feel peace and joy.

While sitting under a memorial tree for her son,

Alice Wisler wrote the following thoughts on what grief has been for her.

Grief is laughing with your children and wishing for the absent one

to make the circle complete.

Grief is crying in your car at stoplights.

Some days grief makes you brutally honest; other days, grief muzzles you.

Grief reconstructs your heart.

Grief is sadness, hope, smiles and tears – rolled tightly like a snowball.

Grief makes you search past the stars and the moon for Heaven.

Grief strips you of everything you were pretending to be.

Grief gives you new priorities.

Grief opens hidden treasures from deep within your soul.

Grief allows you to empathize more deeply with others who ache.

Grief makes you unapologetically bold.

Grief is a daily companion, best dealt with

by admitting you do walk with it, even after all these years.

Grief is the price of love; grief is a gift.

I think she summed it up quite well.

Keeping Kristen's light alive has helped me the most.

Following are a few of the projects that I've been working on this past week.

Anna is a precious little girl from Tennessee who is battling AML.

She is scheduled to undergo a bone marrow transplant in the next few days.

I received a request to make a parent bag for her mother.

I also made a pillowcase for Anna.

Kamie and I are both on a committee for the

"Festival of Trees."

We have a lot of responsibilities that we are anxious to fulfill.

Kamie has volunteered to make 30 of these angels, and I

volunteered to make 20.

These are filled with candy and sold in the "Small Fry" shop.

Yesterday, Kamie yelled from the dining room,

"I'm kicking your trash! I have all my heads done."

Today I will attempt to catch up with her.

We also have the responsibility to make or collect several items to be

sold in the gift shop.

I made a few Christmas stockings and some

crayon roll ups.

I am currently looking for some more ideas.

This is my stack of un-sewn pillowcases. Most of these are for

special little friends. I was able to get a couple sent out last week.

My goal this week is to get these all sewn and in the mail.

Oh yes, how could I not share the honey story.

It is always GREAT fun to watch Richard go out to the beehive

and retrieve some honey.

He doesn't have a bee suit so he bundles up the best he can.

He asked me for a sweatshirt with a hood. I found him one, he put some

netting over his face and continues on his way.

What I hadn't noticed was a rather large hole

in the sleeve of the sweatshirt.

Yup, the bees found the hole and he did get stung

and I got in trouble.

Now my dilemma is this...

I have never liked honey. never.

Now, for the past few days I open the fridge and see this honeycomb full of honey.

I began to crave it. So now every time I open the fridge, there is the

honey comb. I can't resist it. I take a spoon and break off a piece.

I chew on the honey comb until the honey is all gone and then I spit out

the wax. So is honey bad for you?

Like if I have 2 or 3 tablespoons every day

what is going to happen?

Maybe I should hide it in the back of the fridge.

Hope Rising

2011-09-12T14:04:00.001-06:00

This past weekend I was reminded of a few things.

Just as individuals can overcome hardships and challenges,

nations can too.

I have learned that it is often in the soil of difficulty

that the fruit of resilience and progress grows.

The sacrifices of that Tuesday morning 10 years ago

will always remain in our hearts.

It seems to me that Americans, for the most part,

have risen above the loss and grief of that dreadful day.

It seems that many are living lives of deeper understanding

and their lives have more purpose.

It would seem that when faced with adversity,

if we come together as friends, communities and nations,

we can strengthen our resolve, and as we rally around a common cause

miraculous things happen.

Every year since 9/11 the city of Sandy has hosted

"The Healing Field"

Over 3000 flags are displayed.

Attached to each flag is a name of a person whose life was tragically taken.

This year a new monument was also dedicated.

The monument is titled

"Hope Rising."

The monument consists of a 9ft-tall bronze statue that depicts the

three firemen who raised the American flag at Ground Zero,

after the attacks on the World Trade Center in New York City.

Across the street from the Healing Field is Kristen's cemetery.

There was also a display of over 40 flags.

These flags represent the service members from

Utah who have died in the war against terrorism since 9/11.

Today and always

I am Proud to be an

American.

Happy Birthday Cody

2011-09-09T08:33:00.001-06:00

My oldest grandchild turns 8 today.

I remember the day he was born almost like it was yesterday,

yet it seems like he has always been with us.

He is an awesome little boy.

He says he wants to be a comedian when he grows up because he likes to

make people laugh. He always has a joke or a story to tell,

and believe me we all laugh.

Kristen and Ryan with Cody on the day he was born

I love to see pictures of Kristen when she wasn't sick.

She always had her purse around her shoulder and she

was always wearing several bracelets and rings.

She was very excited to be an Aunt.

She dearly loved all of her neices and nephews.

Happy Birthday Cody
You have a gift...
you make people smile.

the last hoorah of summer

2011-09-06T08:41:00.001-06:00

The crisp morning air, the loud chirping of crickets

and sleeping with windows wide open can only mean one thing...

summer is making an escape.

In a effort to hold on a little longer, we continue to have one more fresh ear of corn,

one more dutch oven meal and at least one more game of badminton.

The only good thing about summer coming to an end is that

fall is right around the corner. I love fall. It has become my favorite time of year.

The shorter days, the cool air, the colors, the apples and the pumpkins

all seem to warm my heart.

The year is already two thirds over. In January, I made rather a hefty list

of things I wanted to accomplish this year. All were in honor of Kristen.

I have just revisited the list and I am able to check several items off

the list. Some I need to spend a little more time on, which I plan to

do in the next few weeks.

With summer coming to a close and fall peeking around the corner,

I guess it's fair to say the word... CHRISTMAS!

I LOVE Christmas.

This year I have the opportunity to serve on a committee for

"The Festival of Trees"

I am way excited. I have a lot to do, which is just what I need.

Besides being on a committee, I have signed up to decorate and

donate 2 Christmas trees to the festival.

One in memory of Kristen and the other in memory of a

sweet friend named Jessenia, who also passed away after fighting leukemia.

I am working on several other projects to donate which will help me to pass

off several items on my resolution list.

I continue to be amazed at the influence Kristen's life and her death

has had on so many people.

She continues to inspire and lift many.

Her light continues to shine.

"Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the

candle will not be shortened.

Happiness never decreases by being shared."

~Buddha

Happy end of summer.

(actually you have 15 days left, so go out and have some fun.)

butterfly release

2011-09-01T21:56:00.001-06:00

As most of you already know

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month.

There are several things that I'm passionate about

besides chocolate and black licorice.

Children fighting cancer is at the top of my list.

I am drawn to them.

I love them.

If there is anything I can do to help them, I will.

Several groups throughout the United States held

butterfly releases to kick off the month.

here's a link to a group in Toledo, Ohio who released butterflies.

I couldn't find anything here in Utah, so I held my own release.

As soon as I let my butterfly go, if flew quickly toward the sky.

Within an hour I went back outside and noticed a familiar looking

butterfly fluttering around my yard. It landed on a butterfly bush and

stayed for several minutes.

I thought of a poem that I had heard a while ago...

Oh little butterfly, messenger from God,

when I see you in the sky, I cannot help but nod.

You bring me respite from grief and despair,

every time I see you sailing through the air.

~unknown

Seriously, that butterfly brought me joy.

It truly was a respite from my grief.

I could go on and on about the butterflies that have surrounded me

these past few months. Some might think I'm crazy, and I just might be,

But I have never seen butterflies like I have this summer.

In the past, we would rarely see butterflies in our yard.

Now I see many, and they stay for hours.

They show up wherever I go.

Who would have thought that a butterfly could

warm my heart and bring me joy.

A child with cancer and a butterfly have a few things in common.

Both the butterfly and the child teach us that

life is beautiful,

delicate and fragile.

They both teach us to make every moment count.

the faces of childhood cancer

2011-08-31T19:48:00.002-06:00

Thank you to all the families who allowed me use pictures of their

precious children. As I watch this video tears come to my eyes

as each and every one of these children has touched my life.

Their stories, their courage and their resilience can help us all to realize
what is important in life.
Some of us have learned that life can be short, very short.
We have learned that life can be turned upside down in
a matter of moments.
We have witnessed many miracles before our very eyes.
Our children have taught us how to live
and in some cases how to die.
These children have done both with grace and dignity.
They are our heroes.

This video isn't very clear here on my blog,
if you want to see it more clearly it is also
on youtube at
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EPMWx9_D9Q

honestly

2011-08-27T22:20:00.001-06:00

Every morning when I wake up I go right into Kristen's room,

I turn off her night light and turn on her lamp,

because that is what she did every single day.

Each day I go to the cemetery.

Each night I sit in her room, I read and I admire all of the things that meant

so much to her. I then turn off the lamp and turn on the night light.

Lately the sadness seems almost unbearable. It's a sadness that interrupts

me several times during the day, it interrupts my sleep, my every thought.

Most days I feel like I am carrying my broken heart in my hands.

A sweet lady who lost her son in a sledding accident explained her pain...

The wonder of this pain is unlike anything

that I have ever felt before.

I stand in awe of it and know that death

is great and grand

to have such homage paid to it.

It is of God, or it could not strike

so deeply and completely.

It is as near Gethsemane

as man can dare approach

and even then he needs the presence of angels

to bear him up and numb the agony;

the smother, and strangle,

and the cry of it.

The wonder of this pain

is unlike anything

that I have felt before.

It has been 404 days since Kristen went to heaven.

I know heaven is a lot more heavenly because of her presence.

I also know she truly is an angel watching over all of us.

Her influence continues to surround us.

Even knowing what I know, I am still amazed at the amount of

sorrow that can be carried while walking on two feet.

I often think of two women in my neighborhood, they both lost a daughter.

One was many years ago, I'm guessing it was 1969, and the other lost her daughter

in 1986. Even before Kristen passed away I noticed that these 2 women

had a sadness about them. They continued to live their lives, yet you

could see it in their faces. They were broken and sad. To this day I

still see it, only now I understand it.

I have finally admitted that I'm not ok.

I am sad. I am lonely. I miss Kristen with my whole heart.

I am trying to learn to live with my grief, I really am.

Some days are just harder than others.

I want to feel joy again, I want to love life, but for now

I am just enduring it and that's ok.

I'll end with some pictures of my girl because

seeing her sweet face always brightens my day.