I created this blog when my sweet little girl, Kristen, was diagnosed with cancer, for the third time. After fighting for almost 3 years Kristen was called home to that same God who gave her life. I've contemplated on many occasions rather I should quit this blog or not. Each time I am inspired that I should not. One of my favorite quotes comes from Neal A. Maxwell- "Those who "plow in hope" not only understand the law of the harvest but they also understand what growing seasons are all about. True, those with genuine hope may see their proximate circumstances shaken like a kaleidoscope at times, yet with the "Eye of faith" they still see divine design." Kristen blessed lives and continues to do so. Her light continues to shine. As for me, I continue to "plow in hope" knowing well that Kristen is mine for eternity. Families can be together forever! This I know. Our family continues to live and to love and this is our story...

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

peace on earth

There seems to be plenty of sadness floating around. 
It is everywhere.
This past Monday just as I was starting my shift at the Huntsman Cancer Institute 
I spotted a little girl sitting with her mother in the radiation waiting room.
 She was wearing a bright pink hat. I usually don’t see children at Huntsman 
as it is an adult cancer center. However, the children who are staying at 
Primary Children’s Medical Center come to Huntsman for radiation. 
When I saw this cute little girl waiting for her turn to go back for radiation
I almost lost it. I had to step into a private hall for a minute to catch my breath.
 At that moment I knew I wasn’t ready to start volunteering in the children’s hospital. 
Every single memory of Kristen’s treatment and hospital stays came 
crashing in on me. I soon left the radiation area and began my
routine of visiting the patients who were staying in the hospital.
I love to visit the patients and their families. I feel I can relate to
them as I kind of know what they are going through. Once I was finished
with all of the inpatient visits I headed to the outpatient clinics.
I had just finished passing out snacks and drinks to the patients 
in the infusion area when the “code blue” alarms sounded. 
Once again I found myself feeling sick. Again, I slipped into a back hall
to catch my breath. I had just barely talked with the patient and now they are 
fighting to take one more breath. I soon found myself looking out a large window.
It was cold and cloudy outside. I found myself asking “why?”
Why are these patients suffering, will this be their last Christmas?
Why did Kristen have to leave? Why wasn't she cured?
I hate cancer. 
Why did the lives of so many children end so violently last Friday?
I hate violence.
I soon went back to the volunteer office to drop off my cart and get my purse.
Just as I was leaving I was asked if I had time to take a sack of hats to 
the children’s hospital. I politely said I would be happy to go to the children’s hospital.
Again I felt that lump in my throat. How could I walk
into that hospital with all of these feeling so close to the surface?
I looked at the bags of brightly colored crochet hats and then I 
knew I could do it. I thought, “Kristen would have loved to have
one of these soft hats.” I took the long walk from one hospital to the next.
I proudly dropped off the hats while thinking of Kristen and her cute little
bald head. As I drove home I had a feeling of peace come over me. I thought
how thankful I was that I live in the world of cancer. Who would I be without it?
 I am thankful I can offer kindness and help
to those who are fighting for their lives. I returned home to find a message 
from Joyce who lives in Ohio. Joyce and her daughter, Sarah, had just delivered
225 pillowcases to the Seldman Cancer Center and they delivered the pillowcases
in memory of Kristen! Both Joyce, Sarah and I spent time this past Monday 
trying to brighten the lives of cancer patients all because of Kristen.
He light continues to shine.
She is our angel.
I am once again reminded of the true meaning of Christmas...

"On Christmas Day a child was born in a stable.
Though in a manger Thou draws breath,
Thou art greater than life and death.
God is not dead, nor doth he sleep,
the wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
with peace on earth, good will to men.
Because Christmas lives on,
a nation lives on, and we-each one of us-
may live on as well, in hope and peace forever!

Kristen lives on in the hearts of many.

 Sarah packaging the pillowcases

Seldman Cancer Center where Sarah and her mom
delivered 225 pillowcases.


The VW's said...

You are such a gentle soul.....the world is a better place because of you, and because of Kristen! Love and Hugs!

Rochelle said...

Her light is shining bright here. I love all you do for cancer patients. You truly are making a difference.

I am with you though everytime I see a child walk in my heart sinks, it is so much harder to see them than the adults I share my time with.

Love you my friend,

Merry Christmas

Cindy said...

You are such a remarkable lady. I love how you, Sarah and Joyce are making such a huge difference in the lives of those fighting cancer. You three are a light shining in this dark world.