I created this blog when my sweet little girl, Kristen, was diagnosed with cancer, for the third time. After fighting for almost 3 years Kristen was called home to that same God who gave her life. One of my favorite quotes comes from Neal A. Maxwell- "Those who "plow in hope" not only understand the law of the harvest but they also understand what growing seasons are all about. True, those with genuine hope may see their proximate circumstances shaken like a kaleidoscope at times, yet with the "Eye of faith" they still see divine design." Kristen blessed lives and continues to do so. Her light continues to shine. As for me, I continue to "plow in hope" knowing well that Kristen is mine for eternity. Families can be together forever!

Saturday, July 14, 2012

wear your seat belt

Last weekend I left town with my husband.
He had a job in Seal Beach, California. I have never really left my children home
and gone out of town before. I figured since Ryan was 18 I was finally fine to leave for
a few days. It felt weird. Rich was working and I spent a lot of time sitting
at the beach alone and walking through the town. It felt strange to be alone.
With 6 children I haven't been alone much. I always knew that someday my children 
would marry and leave, But I always planned to have Kristen with me. 
And now I was again reminded that I was ALONE. 
Cold sorrow, like ice, quickly returned to my heart as I walked down Main Street.
I could feel my eyes filling with tears as I was wishing 
that Kristen's hand was tucked inside my arm as it always was. 
It felt as though grief would soon engulf me.
As I looked up a large, bright orange butterfly flew in front of me.
It circled around me and seemed to follow me back to the house. 
It felt as though Kristen was telling me that she was indeed near.
That I wasn't alone.
I soon headed back to the beach, there was something I needed to do.

I felt as though I had gained a little strength.
I headed back to the house, I was only back for a few minutes when I received
a call from my oldest son. He informed me that my youngest son, Ryan, had been
in a car accident, that he hit a power pole and rolled the jeep. 
I soon started to receive multiple pictures and this is what I saw

Not a picture you want to see when you are 680 miles away.
Ryan was fine, but I just couldn't see myself walking down the pier to get ice cream
or sitting on the beach, I just wanted to GO HOME!
Rich felt the same way and we left almost that moment and drove home.
Ryan has been slacking as far as his  seat belt goes,
luckily, he put it on that day. 
I like to think he also wasn't alone that Monday afternoon. 


Debby@Just Breathe said...

I am glad you got away for awhile.
I would say he was definitely not alone in the car. Seat belts save lives!!!

The VW's said...

How scary for you to get this news about your son, especially being far away from him! I'm so happy he wasn't seriously injured! PTL!

It's so sad reading your words of being alone without Kristen on your arm! I'm so sorry you have to walk through your days without her by your side! I feel so alone and almost exposed when I am away from Gavin for more that a couple hours, so I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you! When you are so used to caring for and being with our special kiddos, and then if they aren't right there with you, it can feel so lonely and strange. I wish you were able to have your sweet girl by your side! I love that you were given the butterfly to give you the feeling that she continues to be with you when it feels that she isn't.

Praying you are given peace, strength and comfort until you are reunited once again! Love and Hugs!

Amy L said...

Oh Polly, you have been in my thoughts so much this month. I wish Kristen was still here with you. I struggle to understand why she had to go. It's not fair. You are always in my prayers and Kristen is always in my thoughts. And I am so thankful that Ryan is okay. I think he has an extra special guardian angel! Love you, Amy

Cindy said...

Such an emotional roller coaster! Glad Ryan's okay.

Kristin said...

Oh wow. Glad Ryan's ok!

Rochelle said...

Oh my goodness, the sight of Ryan's car left me in tears. Praying he is ok! Love the butterfly. Every time I see one I think of Kristen.

Tricia said...

So glad he is okay, and thank heavens he had that seat belt on! Kristen was watching over him for sure : o )