I created this blog when my sweet little girl, Kristen, was diagnosed with cancer, for the third time. After fighting for almost 3 years Kristen was called home to that same God who gave her life. I've contemplated on many occasions rather I should quit this blog or not. Each time I am inspired that I should not. One of my favorite quotes comes from Neal A. Maxwell- "Those who "plow in hope" not only understand the law of the harvest but they also understand what growing seasons are all about. True, those with genuine hope may see their proximate circumstances shaken like a kaleidoscope at times, yet with the "Eye of faith" they still see divine design." Kristen blessed lives and continues to do so. Her light continues to shine. As for me, I continue to "plow in hope" knowing well that Kristen is mine for eternity. Families can be together forever! This I know. Our family continues to live and to love and this is our story...

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

mending hearts and some resolutions of sorts

For some time I have been wondering what might become of Kristen's blog.
Kristen's blog was started as a journal to track her progress as
she fought leukemia. It was also a way to keep family and friends posted on the
latest happenings. Little did I know that it would also become a place to 
meet friends and gather together to celebrate each others triumphs and gain
strength as others suffered tragedies. Kristen's blog is very dear to my heart.
It holds pictures, daily updates and many of my heartfelt feelings as
 I have just experienced the most difficult  3 plus years of my life. 
I've thought about starting another blog where I could continue to journal the
 happenings of our lives. 
But I just can't bring myself to leave this spot.

Kristen is still so much a part of us.
She continues to be in my every thought.
Her name is mentioned several times a day.
Just last night Ryan asked me if I would make his some creamed eggs.
They were Kristen's favorite. The whole time I was making them I
was wishing I could take a plate up to Kristen.

I still have a lot of healing to do.
I'm still trying to learn how to enjoy life again.
I'm still trying to figure out who I am without her next to me.
My heart has hurt for so long.
I am hoping this new year will bring
~some mending of my heart
~more giving
~more listening
~more joy

I have decided rather than to start another family blog
I would like to stay right here and share more about our family
for I know family is the first place I find joy.
Because I print my blog into a book, don't be surprised to see a few
recipes and more about our day to day happenings.
I might post a simple saying or a simple picture that warms my heart.
I am hoping this will be a healing place for me and others.
I have said it before and I try to remember this every day,
I will not allow Kristen's death to put a black cloud over my head.
Although I feel lost and much heartache, I know there
is still reason to rejoice. She is still very much alive.
Her spirit is soaring and she is free of cancer.
I know she will be in my arms again.
I will continue to spread her light. I know her light can shine
through me as I continue to be remember the things that matter most in life.

~I will continue to raise awareness for children with Down syndrome.
 ~I will continue to fight for a cure for childhood cancer.
~I will continue to be a voice for the children who because of their
Down syndrome have been discarded into orphanages and institutions.

Thanks again to so many who have given me support over the past few years.
You have truly lit the path and shown me the way.

Now a little family cuteness...

Kali just turned 6 months old on Sunday.
I have already shown Kali many pictures of Kristen.
I take her in Kristen's room and show her all of Kristen's treasures.
She likes the snow domes, especially the ones that play music.
Kali is one blessed little girl as I am sure she has
 a special little angel watching over her.


Rochelle said...

Oh I am glad you decided to stay right here. I love that you will share your family with us. I love coming here and seeing the pictures of Kristen and can't wait to enjoy the rest of your family.
Love the new header pics!

Zoey's mom, Heather said...

I for one think this is right where you belong. We not only fell hopelessly in love with Kristen, but with your entire family as well. We have rejoiced in everyone's milestones and the births of new souls, marriages and deployments and graduations... all of it. We love your entire family and will continue to go where ever you go and we know that Kristen's light follows right along!

The header is wonderful by the way.

Kristin said...

Love the new header, and I agree. There's no need to start a new blog. This blog can grow and heal right along with you :)

To Love Endlessly said...

so Glad you're staying here. You are your Kristen touched our hearts and lives. Looking forward to continue following your journey. Kali certainly has a very special angel watching over her!

stephanie said...

Seriously!!! No way would we LET you leave!!!

And Kali's eyes!! Wow what a beauty she is!

Love your header!!

SSBenjamins said...

Your an AMAZING Mother, and I enjoy your blog SO much. Though I am not the "Mother", I still hurt 2 1/2 years later with my brother passing away, many who have children with disabilities in their family know exactly what I am talking about- he taught me SO much, and my heart has broken and I am trying to mend but I tell ya it's hard. I look at Kristen and I melt. I love these kids'.. You have done SO much and I hope to be like you.. I strive. Thanks for sharing your journey.