I created this blog when my sweet little girl, Kristen, was diagnosed with cancer, for the third time. After fighting for almost 3 years Kristen was called home to that same God who gave her life. I've contemplated on many occasions rather I should quit this blog or not. Each time I am inspired that I should not. One of my favorite quotes comes from Neal A. Maxwell- "Those who "plow in hope" not only understand the law of the harvest but they also understand what growing seasons are all about. True, those with genuine hope may see their proximate circumstances shaken like a kaleidoscope at times, yet with the "Eye of faith" they still see divine design." Kristen blessed lives and continues to do so. Her light continues to shine. As for me, I continue to "plow in hope" knowing well that Kristen is mine for eternity. Families can be together forever! This I know. Our family continues to live and to love and this is our story...

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Spring?

While most are waiting and wishing for spring to finally arrive, I find myself hoping it doesn't come. That is rather out of character for me as I usually cannot wait, I am usually out looking for any sign of spring. I went to Target today with my daughter Kamie. She was looking for things to fill Easter baskets for the children at the hospital. I told her I would meet her up front because I had something I wanted to look at. There I stood in the middle of the girls department holding an outfit that I wanted to buy for Kristen. As the tears started to flow I heard Kamie from behind me say, “Mom, knock it off.” I asked her what was wrong with just looking. She quickly replied, “Well just don’t look at her size.” I replied with a quick, “But she would have looked so cute in this.”
I quickly made my way to the car and I seriously sat there and cried like a baby. Everything spring reminds me of Kristen. She loved Easter, everything about it. She loved to color eggs, she loved to hunt for them, she loved her Easter basket, she even loved a new Easter hat. She knew that soon after Easter it would be her Birthday. She would have had invitations bought and a party planned by now. These past few weeks have been hard, extremely hard. Every time I hear of a child who has lost their battle with cancer the past few years come crashing in on me. I really really hate cancer. Then there are the orphans, of which many have Down syndrome, who are sitting in orphanages and institutions a world away just waiting for someone to save them. Then there are the orphans who families have found them, but a judge denies them. I could scream like really scream.
I have been home alone for the better part of the day. The silence was really getting to me so I turned on the Disney Chanel. I decided that I could get Kristen's table ready for Easter. I made some new photo blocks of her from the past 2 Easters. I hung eggs and Chicks on a branch. I think it helped. Maybe spring is exactly what I need.


Tuesday, March 29, 2011

It's snowing in Heaven

My heart has been heavy this past week
as I know that  our warrrior boy Mason
has been suffering.
Several times every day I check to see
how he is doing.
Today he is racing with the tigers.
He is finally free.

 

Monday, March 21, 2011


Blessed and honored to be a part of this day.






Sunday, March 20, 2011

8 months

I recently came across a book by Gordon Livingston, M.D.
He lost his oldest son to suicide and his
youngest son to leukemia.
The book is called Only Spring. Here is an excerpt from the book...

"Grief has taught me many things about the fragility of life
and the finality of death.
To lose that which means the most to us
is a lesson in helplessness and humility and survival
after being stripped of
any illusions of control I might have harbored.
The idea that I could reach a point when I would
no longer miss my children
was obscene to me and I dismissed it.
I had to accept the reality that I would never be
the same person,
that some part of my heart, perhaps the best part,
had been cut out and buried with my sons."

I can honestly say that those are some of my exact feelings.
It has been 8 months today since our sweet angel girl
went to heaven.
These past 8 months are the hardest I have ever experienced.
People think that as time passes things get easier.
For me, that is not the case as it has only become more difficult
with each passing day.
I continue to look for ways to take this pain and make something positive out of it.
I am constantly looking for the courage to redefine my place.
As I continue to grieve and mourn,
as I dissolve the physical bonds that Kristen and our family shared,
the spiritual and emotional bonds remain intact.
...and that is what gets me through the day.


and now for some happy first day of spring things...
Baby Claire is 8 months old and so very cute!

I finally finished a pair of elephant pillowcases for a special family
who also lost a special son.


Friday, March 18, 2011


I found my old camera.
I was surprised to find at least 70 pictures that Kristen
had taken that were on my memory card.
Some of the pictures were of herself,
but most were of her things.
I cried and I laughed,
and I miss her more and more every day.



Her band-aids
 
 I think she had a 5 year supply of post it's
 One of my favorite... her shoes. Every morning she would carry her
outfit for the day down to the family room. She would also carry her
beads down with her. Then, when she was ready to go back upstairs
she would take the beads back up with her.
 She was actually pretty good at taking a picture of herself.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Happy St. Patrick's Day


May your blessings outnumber
The shamrocks that grow,
And may trouble avoid you
Wherever you go.
~Irish Blessing

Check out that awesome pillowcase...a gift that someone
had donated to the hospital last year.

We even made a quick trip to Orem to pick up a special
treat for the kiddies.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

I have an idea...

but I will need your help.
It should be no secret that
I love children with Down syndrome.
When I see one I want to give them a hug and tell them how special they are.
I have the same love for children with cancer.
When I see or hear of a child who has cancer,
I  want to give them a hug also and tell them how special they are.
These children are the most noble among us.

A few weeks ago I made a blanket and pillowcase for a boy named Mason.
He has a brain tumor,
something that no child should EVER have to endure.
A few days ago he was asking his mom what they were going to do
about the Easter egg hunt.
His mother wasn't really sure what to plan.
Then they came up with the idea that each of the children would have
a certain color of egg. Mason eggs will be green,
his brother, Maverick will have blue,
and his sister Ally will have purple.
I was thinking that Easter is really late this year, maybe we could all send
some eggs to his family and get them a head start on their hunt.
So today I am sending a few eggs filled with treats in
green, blue and purple.
I was hoping that some of you could do the same.


Here is my wooden peep project from yesterday.
I fixed it today and I think it's pretty darn cute.
(has anyone noticed that I just might have a little too much time on my hands?)


Friday, March 11, 2011

some awesome nieces

I got a text from one of my cute nieces yesterday.
She said she was on her way over with some parent bags that
she wanted me to donate to the hospital. 
These bags were awesome!
She had some for moms and some for dads.
I took the bags to the hospital this morning and
I am sure that the parents who received the bags were excited.
Thank you Heidi!
and guess what else???
Heidi looks at Reece's Rainbow every day
She prays for the children and is hoping that maybe someday
she too can save a child.



Today I was able to spend some time with two more nieces, Mandie and Stephanie.
We had a little craft day and made these cute photo blocks of Mandie's baby.
They are so cute and easy. 
I was also working on this really cute Easter Peep decoration and
I totally messed it up. I hope to do some repairs tomorrow
so I can show you how cute it is.
Thank You Mandie and Steph for spending some time with me today.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

a little family fun

I have heard it said that which matters most is what lasts longest,
 and our families last forever.

My husband has always been one to get the family together and have some fun.
When my children were young we would often take them swimming at a local
school. I don't think we have been there for 20 years. My husband decided that
it was time to return to that pool with the grand kids.
We all met at the school and pretty much had the pool to ourselves.
The kids were all excited and had a blast, once the scariness wore off.
I had baby duty and watched from the balcony.


You would hardly know these 2 were sisters. When Katy was pregnant with
Brooke (the one with the blonde hair)
Kristen would always tell Katy that she was
going to have a girl with white hair. I don't think you
could get hair any more white than Brooke's.
It is evident that Kristen knew what she was talking about.


Every Sunday I make dinner for my family. That makes 19 people as we always include
a plate for a neighbor and one for my mom. It's a tradition that all of
my children have come to enjoy and count on. There is never a need
for an invite. You are always welcome. They all know dinner is at 4.
There are some weeks that they eat at their in-laws and of course since Kim
lives 100 miles away, she makes it when she can.
For the most part we are all together every Sunday.
I feel it is a blessing in our lives.
My children all love, support and respect each other.



After dinner the kiddies look forward to a quick ride on the horse.
Actually if the truth were told...
This past Sunday the promise of a horse ride was a bribe
to get Jordan to get up and get ready for church.
It worked.




Family fun and traditions always include Kristen.
She is spoken of  and remembered daily.
It is because of her that we keep our eyes toward heaven
and our feet on the ground.
Families are Forever.


Friday, March 4, 2011

busy as a bee...not


I haven't been alone for almost 30 years.
That's when my first daughter made her appearance.
Shortly thereafter another baby and then another.
6 babies in 12 years.

That makes for little alone time.
Then consider that I was given a special gift of a special child.
She wouldn't grow up and leave the hive like the other children,
she would be by my side forever.
Now, with my 4 oldest children married, a busy 17 year old
and Kristen's recent return to heaven,
I find myself alone quite a lot.
In light of my recent alone time
I have found that I do best in 'action' mode.
I keep looking for ways to stay busy.
Even still I feel like I'm so unproductive.
Nothing feels right.
I haven't found my place.
My place was taking care of Kristen.

This week my business consists of trying to figure out how
to get honey out of the honeycomb.
My husband thought it was time to harvest the honey.
This is the first year we've had bees so getting the honey ready
was all new to me.
It took all week and finally...
I have clear pure honey!
and lots of it.

Now I need another project and I am open for suggestions.