I created this blog when my sweet little girl, Kristen, was diagnosed with cancer, for the third time. After fighting for almost 3 years Kristen was called home to that same God who gave her life. One of my favorite quotes comes from Neal A. Maxwell- "Those who "plow in hope" not only understand the law of the harvest but they also understand what growing seasons are all about. True, those with genuine hope may see their proximate circumstances shaken like a kaleidoscope at times, yet with the "Eye of faith" they still see divine design." Kristen blessed lives and continues to do so. Her light continues to shine. As for me, I continue to "plow in hope" knowing well that Kristen is mine for eternity. Families can be together forever!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

what are you thankful for...

I find myself wondering what exactly to do with myself today.
Oh I have plenty of things I should be doing...
finishing continuing education hours so we can renew our business licence,
helping Ryan finish up his merit badges and his eagle project,
clean my house,
grocery shop,
make some delicious pies,
put the finishing touches on 5 Christmas trees that need to be finished by Monday morning,
 and the list is endless.
But I don't feel like doing any of it.
I just miss Kristen too much.
When people say the holidays are difficult, you have no idea.
I went back and looked at my blog post from Kristen's last Thanksgiving.
We spent it in the hospital.
I thought I would re-post it as it probably would do me some good to take my own advice from
2 years ago. So here it is...

November 25th, 2009

I could really be bummed today, spending Thanksgiving in the hospital with a sick little girl. But I choose not to. It seems the bitter chill of adversity has been chasing me for some time; however, I am quick to realize that I am surrounded by goodness and that I am being cheered on from every side. I may not be feasting on Thanksgiving, but I will take time to give thanks. 

I am grateful for the pleasures that encircle me;
Anti-nausea drugs
Chemo-therapy (as much as I hate the side effects, it is a hope for yet another remission)
Well trained doctors and nurses who truly care and who have become our friends
A private room with a window and a roll out bed
A healthy body and mind which enables me to take care of another
Responsible kind caring children who also know how to prepare a Thanksgiving feast
A husband who is selfless
A mother who calls each morning
Family and friends who check in on a daily basis just waiting to offer help in any way they can
Kind words from a stranger

On this Thanksgiving I could be full of negative emotions that bind hearts; anger, resentment, bitterness. Instead I choose to fill my soul with love, faith and thanksgiving.  

and now some pictures from that day 2 years ago

I'll take that last sentence from 2 years ago,

On this Thanksgiving I could be full of negative emotions that bind hearts; anger, resentment, bitterness. Instead I choose to fill my soul with love, faith and thanksgiving.  

and see if I can change my attitude. I think I'll start with the pies.


Rochelle said...

Oh Polly, I know the holidays are some of the hardest to get through without Kristen here. I am thankful for your sweet spirit to choose love & faith over hate and bitterness.
PIES first I am in!
Love and hugs, Happy thanksgiving! Hope you are surrounded by love & family

Amy L said...

Polly, do you know how much Kristen has touched our lives? Just a few days ago, Jimmy came up to me before bed and said "I miss Kristen." I told him "I do too buddy." She is in our hearts and in our thoughts always. We love you and pray for you everyday. Sending hugs,
with love from the Lucas family

Salinas family said...

Thinking of you, and knowing she is close by.
sending love from Logan,

Groves said...

So much love radiating from one small person - so much love all around her, too.

Kristen's life is more rich in love than most people's ever could be; at least it seems that way to me. She matter so much.

I always think, no wonder there is a hole that can't be filled - ever. She matters too, too much to ever be forgotten or missed any less. No one knows this better than her Mother.

She is beautiful, beautiful. Thank you, again, for sharing her. I'm thankful for her and for you.

Cathy in Missouri