I created this blog when my sweet little girl, Kristen, was diagnosed with cancer, for the third time. After fighting for almost 3 years Kristen was called home to that same God who gave her life. One of my favorite quotes comes from Neal A. Maxwell- "Those who "plow in hope" not only understand the law of the harvest but they also understand what growing seasons are all about. True, those with genuine hope may see their proximate circumstances shaken like a kaleidoscope at times, yet with the "Eye of faith" they still see divine design." Kristen blessed lives and continues to do so. Her light continues to shine. As for me, I continue to "plow in hope" knowing well that Kristen is mine for eternity. Families can be together forever!

Sunday, October 2, 2011


Most of you are familiar with the "Welcome to Holland" story
written by Emily Perl Kingsley.

I get the whole part about planning for something and then getting something completely different than you thought you were going to get, like planning a trip to Italy and finding yourself in Holland.

However I don't agree with this...
~But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. 
And for the rest of your life, you will say 
"Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

The pain of finding out that my new baby had Down syndrome did go away. Yes it is true, It was a surprise and I was a little scared. OK, a lot scared. However, I had this beautiful little baby girl to hold in my arms. I found comfort in my family and friends who supported me greatly. I also found comfort in the baby I held in my arms. I soon found out that this was all going to be alright. I became caught up in the things I needed to learn. I knew nothing about Down syndrome and the more I learned the more I knew I could do this. Besides, I had fallen in love with my little girl.  It might take an hour, a week, 2 weeks, or longer but the pain does go away. You'll soon find yourself in a whole new world. It might be a different world than you planned, but you'll see, it's a beautiful world. Kristen definitely took me to Holland, but she didn't stop there. We pretty much covered the world, together.

This purple rose bush is a gift from a neighbor. She brought the plant over in the spring, with tears in her eyes she said, "It's called Angel Face."
She said she had been looking for this for a year, ever since Kristen passed away. She finally found one.
It is beautiful and it's full of blooms. Every time I walk past it I stop and smile and think of my little angel face smiling down on all of us.


Rochelle said...

I agree with you! The pain does go away and we never live one moment wishing our girls didn't have that extra chromosome. They are a blessing.
Love the rose!

Amy L said...

Polly, that's exactly how I always felt. So many people say that they had to grieve the child that they had dreamed of. I never understood that......
In fact, when I was pregnant with Ben I had worries that if he didn't have Ds, I wouldn't love him as much.:( Of course I did, but at the time, I was really worried. Love you and your beautiful angel!

Karol said...

I love this post. You are right on the mark. The pain of ending up in Holland definitely goes away. You wonder why you ever thought Italy would be better. The pain that never, ever,ever goes away, is the pain that comes when you have to say good bye to the beautiful Holland that you so adore.

Missing Holland with you