I created this blog when my sweet little girl, Kristen, was diagnosed with cancer, for the third time. After fighting for almost 3 years Kristen was called home to that same God who gave her life. One of my favorite quotes comes from Neal A. Maxwell- "Those who "plow in hope" not only understand the law of the harvest but they also understand what growing seasons are all about. True, those with genuine hope may see their proximate circumstances shaken like a kaleidoscope at times, yet with the "Eye of faith" they still see divine design." Kristen blessed lives and continues to do so. Her light continues to shine. As for me, I continue to "plow in hope" knowing well that Kristen is mine for eternity. Families can be together forever!

Saturday, February 19, 2011


1. unable to find way: unable to find the way to a place
2. mislaid: unable to be found temporarily
3. gone: no longer in existence or use

The second one sounds good, unable to be found temporarily.
Not sure where to go from here with  Kristen's blog.
I started it to keep family and friends up to date on Kristen's treatment
as she battled leukemia.
It has been a haven. a safe place for me to come and share my thoughts.
It has been a journal, and how thankful I am that I have the past 29 months
here with pictures and words.
I have received more support than I could ever have imagined.
I had made new friends, friends who have carried me when I didn't think
I could possibly move another step. Your words of encouragement have
meant so much. Thank you to those who continue to check on me as
this has definitely been the hardest year of my life. People say that things
will get better in time, in my case, at least for now, things have gotten harder.
Learning to live without Kristen has proven to be very difficult.

I've spent the past few days switching out her table and her tree from
Valentines Day to St. Patricks Day because I really don't know what
else to do.

Hopefully this whole lost thing will prove to be temporary.


Rochelle said...

I am praying that it is only temporary too. Hugs to you dear friend.
I hope you keep blogging, you are an inspiration to so many.

Jana said...

i love the picture block!!!! So cute!! actually I just love all of the st. patricks day decor. Love you!

stephanie said...

Polly, Even though you feel lost, I know you are helping others to find their way.
Praying that this temporary feeling leaves you for good. You are much needed here.
Love and hugs

Tina said...

Like everyone else really praying that these feelings are only temporary, I think it is so normal for there to be days like this, what you are going through as a parent is really the hardest thing ever.

I know I don't comment all the time but please know I read every single post and would really miss not seeing you around so please don't think of leaving us!

Congrats on the soon to come grand daughter, and yes Kristin must be preparing her for all the wonders that lie ahead.

Jeana said...

Thank you for continuing Kristens blog. Every time I read it I am reminded to hug Kaelyn a little tighter and be grateful for every moment we have together. My heart breaks that you don't have your little girl by your side.

My name is Sarah said...

Hi Kristen's mom. Kristen's pillowcases are in the newspaper today. Thank you for my package. I really love them both. I will post pictures soon.

Brighton said...

I check in to see how you are doing. To remind myself to cherish Sara each day- sometimes I forget in all the rush of our day to day busy.

The VW's said...

Love, Big Hugs and Prayers!!!

Amy said...

Today I found your blog and I don't think it was just by chance... : ) We are in the process of adopting two little boys from Reece's Rainbow. We just found out last week that one of them, Dusty has leukemia. He will be 6 on St. Patrick's Day. I know that you are hurting and I will pray for you! Please continue your blog to help those who may be going through the same experience as you have gone through.

ABandCsMom said...

Polly, I fear it will not get any easier..and I'm pretty darn sure I'm right on the money with that fear.

When you say you aren't sure what to do with your blog. I hear ya! Carly was the whole reason I started mine..now what? For now, I'll stay with it. I too am thankful for the wonderful support that has continued to rally around me, all thanks to blogging.

Lost. That's a word I use a lot. I feel like I'm wandering around just completely lost. Wondering if I'll ever find my way through this horrible heartache.

Never new that a person could actually hurt from the inside out. But now I know. It is possible and it is awful to feel such hurt.

I guess all that we can do, is keep on keeping on...one breath at a time. Sometimes, those breaths become extremely difficult. I do quite a bit of deep breathing exercising while out and about. Stores, doctor appt's, restaurants, etc...sadly, I have to do it more often now than previous months. I think maybe the numbness/shock is thinning out a bit and in it's place anxiety attacks hit hard and heavy.