I’m missing my girl. Everything I see reminds me of her. Today while at Costco I saw the previews for a movie, I thought, “Kristen will love that.” Then it hits me again. Nope, I can’t buy it for her. I finally came up with a plan. Whenever I see something that I know Kristen would have loved, I am going to purchase it and give it to someone. Kristen loved markers and colored pencils and with school supplies being dirt cheap right now, I bought markers, lots of markers, I am going to put some kits together for the cancer kids at the hospital. Whenever a new release movie comes out that I know Kristen would have loved I am going to buy it and drop it off at the hospital for the cancer unit. Today I signed up to make a Christmas tree and donate it in memory of Kristen for the Festival of Tress. One more thing I did today, I actually printed off volunteer applications for 2 different hospitals. I have found that being busy is best. I have found myself home alone on many occasions, something that I haven’t encountered for 24 years. It feels odd. I find myself turning on the radio or the television just to break the silence.
I have carried this central line emergency kit in my car for the past 2 years. It contained supplies for Kristen’s line as well as a change of clothing for her. I have replaced this emergency kit with something I call my cemetery emergency kit. Seems I spend quite a bit of time there and I find myself looking for something to put water in to fill Kristen’s vase or I need some grass shears. I thought of the many things I might need at the cemetery and put together this kit. I even bought a small bag of grass seed to fill in a
few bare spots around Kristen’s grave.
Thank You for your kind words, your letters and cards. They help as I continue to try to pull myself out of this fog. My heart continues to harbor deep sorrow. Even so I continue to learn from Kristen as she had always shown strength, fortitude, determination and the sheer power to survive all that life dealt her.
If she can do it, I can at least try.