I created this blog when my sweet little girl, Kristen, was diagnosed with cancer, for the third time. After fighting for almost 3 years Kristen was called home to that same God who gave her life. One of my favorite quotes comes from Neal A. Maxwell- "Those who "plow in hope" not only understand the law of the harvest but they also understand what growing seasons are all about. True, those with genuine hope may see their proximate circumstances shaken like a kaleidoscope at times, yet with the "Eye of faith" they still see divine design." Kristen blessed lives and continues to do so. Her light continues to shine. As for me, I continue to "plow in hope" knowing well that Kristen is mine for eternity. Families can be together forever!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Tomorrow is a gift

Another busy week. Wedding plans are coming along, good thing since the wedding is in 10 days. Thank you so much to my sister in laws for throwing the girls a bridal shower.
What would I do without family.
Kristen is just where she wants to be. Cozy in her room. She is still holding her own as far as platelets and blood go, no transfusions as of now. Her numbers are dipping so it won’t be long before she needs some blood products. Kristen has had a low grade fever all week. She could be working on an infection or maybe it’s the leukemia. She has lost 3 pounds and seems to be more tired and worn. Yesterday Kristen was light headed and dizzy. Luckily Katy was right behind her as she was heading up the stairs, she was barely able to pick her up as she is 8 months pregnant. I am pretty sure by what Katy explained that Kristen fainted or was very close to it. I have decided that unless I absolutely have to go somewhere I will be staying home with Kristen. I know there are a few things I have to do for the weddings, but if I can make a list and let someone else take care of things then that is what we’ll be doing.
I still find myself stumbling in the thick fog trying to process all that is going on, especially with Kristen. Someone asked me what I thought would be easier, losing your child suddenly or being told that your child is dying of cancer and has 3 months to live. She began to say probably the second one because you would still have time to make memories. I quickly replied that if you haven’t already made the memories then it is probably too late. I have no regrets with Kristen. The memories have been made. Now we can sit here on her bed and do the things she loves, watch Disney channel, eat pretzels, look at pictures, drink coke (for her it’s caffeine free) and stay up till midnight
 just because we can.
 We can paint our nails, order pizza, and look through old magazines.
We may not be going skydiving or Rocky Mountain climbing, and for sure we won’t be riding any bulls, but we are going to love deeper,
 and speak sweeter,
and live like tomorrow is a gift.
Because it is.


江婷 said...


stephanie said...

The shower looked great! I knew you'd be able to great it all done!

Wish i was close so I could drink coke and do nails with you!!!
sent you a message on FB. Thanks for the pic!!!
It's a treasure!

Angi said...

Love to you all, thinking of you.

To Love Endlessly said...

We're praying for Kristen. I love what you said about the memories having already been made. Kristen is so, SO lucky to have you as her mom.

Heather said...

Just sending love to you today Polly,just lots and lots of love.

patrice said...

So beautifully said.

mandd3 said...

Your family has taken life and spun it into an intensity that few people will ever experience. To have a birth, 2 weddings, and Kristen's leukemia all coinciding must be just overwhelming. You have extreme joy and extreme sorrow spinning around you all the time. I do not know you Polly, but you have the strength of 10,000 lions.

Cindy said...

Polly, I think about you every day. Blogland is a great community and I'm honored to be a part of it.
Thank you for sharing your life with us.

Amy L said...

Hi Polly,
I have to say that I admire your strength and your ability to do everything you are doing right now. You are an amazing Mom, your family is very Blessed! I continue to pray for all of you especially Kristen. I know that she is surrounded by everyone who loves her most in this world and that makes me smile.
Hugs and prayers,

The VW's said...

You have a beautiful family! And, you are right, today and tomorrow are always such a gift! Praying that your days are filled with only the best! Love, Hugs and Prayers!!!

Suzie and Lily said...

Oh Polly,
I am so very sorry you are going through this. My parents went through it with my sister who passed away of melanoma. She lived in a different state than them so they couldn't spend the time with her that you can with Kristen. You are fortunate to have this time with her.
Is there anything I can do to help? I can run errands for you, help set up for the weddings, anything so you can have your time with Kristen. What about a dinner? Please let me know.

Mel said...

I often visit your blog and think of you more often still. There are not the words. Hang in there.

JennyH said...

The shower looks fun. Hopefully it wasn't too stressful!

Every day is a gift. Glad you are able to enjoy the things she loves doing.

Suzie and Lily said...

Polly I am not on my normal computer so for some reason I can't email you personally. I want to tell you about Thumbies. If you don't already know about them it is jewelry made of your loved ones fingerprints. I have one of my sister that I wear everyday. It is comforting to me to be able to feel the ridges of her fingerprints.
I want to get one for each of my children, just haven't done it yet.
Wanted to pass on the information.
Sending Love,

Sasha said...

Oh the shower looks great. I like the end of the post about how the memories have been made. I love that you are doing and just being with Kristen now and doing things you love and that she loves. Like painting nails and eating pizza. These too will be special memories that you are making. You may not plan to make them, but they will turn out to be a very special time and gift. This time is special...time to just be and love each other. Sending you hugs and strength at this time. Hugs

Kristi said...

You are a WONDERFUL mother and your right, your memories have been made, her entire life with your very warm and loving family. Even in a not so great situation, how blessed you all are to have each other.
What a wonderful shower! And bravo to your SIL's for helping you out! We are sending some things out for Kristen today. I hope she likes them :)

Jeana said...

I'm do glad things are coming together for the weddings and that you are able to spend time at home with Kristen. She has taught us all so much about love and life. What a wonderful family you have. If there is anything on that list you are making that I can help with, please let me know. We are just a few miles away.

ABandCsMom said...

I think of you all, daily. Wish I had some words of comfort, but I can't even comfort myself right now.

From a mom who lost her child suddenly. I would have to say, if I were told that I only had 3 months left with Carly..I would rather have that. Unfortunately, we can not pick or choose.

But from where I sit. You are doing just as I would be doing. Cherishing every single moment. Each and every day. Loving, living out each day as Kristen wishes.

I will cherish those 2 hours that Carly slept in my lap while I rocked her. Had I only known what would happen within 1.5 hrs of her waking up and and insisting on rocking her self...I would NEVER have gotten out of that chair. Thankfully, I was able to rub her back. Breathe in her smell and kiss her forehead as she slept peacefully in my arms, before our world stopped turning.

Hold tight my friend. And please give Kristen a hug from me. Honestly, I do think of her each and every day.