I created this blog when my sweet little girl, Kristen, was diagnosed with cancer, for the third time. After fighting for almost 3 years Kristen was called home to that same God who gave her life. One of my favorite quotes comes from Neal A. Maxwell- "Those who "plow in hope" not only understand the law of the harvest but they also understand what growing seasons are all about. True, those with genuine hope may see their proximate circumstances shaken like a kaleidoscope at times, yet with the "Eye of faith" they still see divine design." Kristen blessed lives and continues to do so. Her light continues to shine. As for me, I continue to "plow in hope" knowing well that Kristen is mine for eternity. Families can be together forever!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Life is Good

In looking at my last few posts, I am a little embarrassed. It’s true I have been feeling sad, scared, lonely and a little mad. This all sets me up to look ungrateful. Which I need to clarify that I am NOT. My life is full of many rich blessings. Although This past year and a half have been the most difficult time in my life, It has also been filled with some of the most amazing once in a lifetime moments. That’s how I have survived-moment by moment. I have witnessed miracles before my eyes, my family has learned the meaning of the word sacrifice and has received the blessings that come with it, and we are reminded on a daily basis what really matters in life.

Still no answer from the insurance company. Bone marrow team tried Thursday and Friday to get in touch with someone from the insurance company to get some answers but seems NO phone calls were returned.

Part of Kristen’s bone marrow biopsy results were in…Still in REMISSION. YEAH!

Last year as Kristen was finishing up her 7 months of intense chemotherapy, I told my family that as soon as she had her strength back we were all going to Disneyland. It took months. Just as the doctors said it would.  Finally in October her blood counts looked good. She was strong and it was finally time to plan the trip. We made plans to leave November 1st. The hotels were booked and the plans made.
October 12th my dad died unexpectedly. Very unexpectedly. No one felt much like a party. We decided it would be best to postpone our Disneyland trip until February. Funny how things turn out. The day we were supposed to be in Disneyland we were in the hospital with Kristen as she was once again getting a bone marrow biopsy to confirm that leukemia was once again taking over her sweet little body.
This past week my family went to Disneyland… Without Kristen and I. So I thought I would throw myself a little pity party.
Now... I’m over it.
Kristen is home for a few more days.
Kristen is happy.
Life is good.


Heather said...

Never,ever viewed as complaining Polly.. your human,your a mother,frustrated and tired and just doing the best you can.which by the way is amazing.As is the rest of your family.

Great news on the BM results and hoping the insurance company can get their act together... like yesterday.

Prayers continue herein California.

stephanie said...

I agree, I never took any of your posts as someone stuck on complaining. Just the opposite actually.
Your strength and determination always held strong.
Praying the insurance company straightens out. My actual prayer is to please let Kristen's file fall into the right hands. Hands with a heart. Who will do the right thing.


mandd3 said...

Oh dear lady, I have only been reading your blog for about a month. My one year old had/has TMD and I can only hope to struggle as well as you do should it ever return. Kristen is remarkable, may you and she get to see Disneyland very, very soon!

Lacey said...

I am sorry you had to miss Disneyland, that would have been great for you both to get away. Soon enough, you'll go, you can come with us!
Come on insurance, lets get with the program!

Leah said...

Aren't we all allowed days to say, "This really sucks!" Remember, this is YOUR BLOG, a place where you can safely vent, cry, throw your own personal pity party. You can also Praise God, give thanks, and find the humor in whatever strikes you funny (even if other people don't see the humor.) All because it's YOUR BLOG!

By blogging your true feelings, even those that are not necessarily the most becoming, you're telling other parents that it's OK to feel this way sometimes! We ALL have days like that. They're part of life. They are not a "weakness", they are a reality. You're dealing with more stress, over an extended period of time, than most people deal with in a lifetime. I think you're allowed a moment here and there.

Now, if you were stuck in that mode ALL the time, you might need a little slap in the face to get you out of your jag! LOL

There will be plenty more days like that, Im sure. I think those are days God gives us to remind us no matter how complicated life is, we REALLY need to take time for ourselves. I once heard of a pediatric oncology unit (maybe it was at our local children's hospital? Not sure..hmm) That has a weekly thing for the parents. Like, once a month they have hair stylists come. How many moms don't feel they can be away from the hospital or home long enough to even get a haircut? So they once a month they bring the salon to the hospital. But they don't just give a haircut, it's more like pampering mom and dad! They do the same once a month with pedi and manicures, and massages. So, it ends up there is something going on every week. Studies (and I'll find 'em online somewhere if you want) have shown that it times of high stress like you're dealing with, having a WEEKLY escape gives caregivers something to look forward to for themselves, a little incentive to make it through today so I can get to tomorrow's (insert self-pampering event here.)

Try, if you can, to plan something for yourself each week. Coffee with a friend, an afternoon of retail therapy, going to to a fitness club and hanging out in the hot tub, a date with your husband.

I've never met you, and my daughter with DS doesn't have cancer. But, you're my sister in this community, and for that I love you, and I care. You're a role model for me in so many ways. The next time we have some horrid thing to get through, I'm going to keep in mind the grace with which you've handled yourself so far.

Kim said...

I think you are awesome! You have every right to have those down days and you shouldn't have to hide them. Continued prayers {hugs}

The VW's said...

A little bit of complaining is a good thing, "sometimes it's just what the doctor ordered", if you ask me!

I recentlt threw a little pity party for myself on our blog and someone left a comment saying, "It's not a pity party, more like releasing and regrouping." This made a lot of sense to me. We can't always keep it all in! We need to get it all out and then get back to the task at hand! This goes for everyone, even if we have a lot to be thankful for!

Sorry you had to miss a trip to Disney! :(

And, so sorry the insurance company hasn't approved yet! What is their deal?!

Hang in there! Love, Hugs and Prayers!!!

Peter Olson said...

Life IS good! ;-)
I showed off my bracelets again today. I'm proud of our little girls, Kristen & Zoey.
You continue to be in our prayers.
Sending Love, Hope, Faith and Joyful thoughts your way.