I created this blog when my sweet little girl, Kristen, was diagnosed with cancer, for the third time. After fighting for almost 3 years Kristen was called home to that same God who gave her life. One of my favorite quotes comes from Neal A. Maxwell- "Those who "plow in hope" not only understand the law of the harvest but they also understand what growing seasons are all about. True, those with genuine hope may see their proximate circumstances shaken like a kaleidoscope at times, yet with the "Eye of faith" they still see divine design." Kristen blessed lives and continues to do so. Her light continues to shine. As for me, I continue to "plow in hope" knowing well that Kristen is mine for eternity. Families can be together forever!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Waiting for that train to roll in...

The past two days Kristen has been quite comfortable, as comfortable as one might be who is stuck in the hospital.  Aside from some mouth sores and no blood counts, she has been feeling ok.  She has been teasing me and laughing which is a complete turn around from  a few days ago when all she did was lay here and moan.  That being said, I do realize that it's just a matter of hours and a train will roll past and flatten her to the ground.  That train has a name...High dose, Intense chemotherapy. I was thinking I could really vent here this morning because thats what I do here.  My 15 year old son has been home very sick for two weeks, first strep and then flu.  He has no mother to make him soup.  My mother has also been very sick, bronchitis or pneumonia, I can't take care of her or even drop food off at her house, and don't forget that just a month ago my dad died. We all miss him, especially now.  Kristen has a picture of him and my mom and she keeps it on her tray and looks at it many times a day.  And now I probably just made my mom cry. My husband is a builder and because there are some amazing deals for first time home buyers, he is building a house for someone and it has to be done and closed on by the last day in November.  So he is pretty much working 12 hour days and comes home to a missing wife and daughter and no dinner. He then makes the 30 minute ride to the hospital to see us and returns home close to midnight. I can no longer see my grandchildren as they too have been sick. My daughter Kamie is trying to be a mom to Ryan, a housekeeper, do the grocery shopping, work full time and go to school full time.  Kim is going to school full time 100 miles away and her heart aches to be here with Kristen. Really things aren't that bad.  Katy, my daughter dropped off some homemade chilli to my mom yesterday, and she also drove Ryan throught the drive through at Mcdonalds.  My sister and brother are taking care of my mom. There is plenty of food in the house for Richard when he gets home from work. It is just that I want to be doing all of those things.  I am mad that I can't help anyone. I want to be the one doing those things instead of the one asking for help  I do realize that I am just where I need to be. Did I mention that I hate cancer. Now that I have had my pity party I think I will run downstairs and grab a coke that's probably what I should have done in the first place.  I better hurry as we have a "ticket to ride."


10 comments:

Lacey said...

That pig she has is so cute. And it is very hard for you right now. its hard to have no mom at home. To be stuck in a hospital room all the time. It sucks! Prayers still coming.

Heather said...

You just want your life back Polly.You just want your "normal" back.You just want Kristen better and in remission,out of there and home, where you all belong.None of it is too much too ask and all of it is what we will pray for.I love the second picture of Kristen.She has such a darling grin on her face.

So, as you wait for that train to arrive,we will kick up our prayers and hope that it passes through quickly,leaving minimal baggage along the way.We pray for Kristen's strength during this next necessary evil and we continue to send love as you all find your way through this next leg of the journey.

ABandCsMom said...

You have every right to vent. Vent to us as much as you need to.
Love the pictures of you warrior. She will bring you through this. I have no doubt!

Nicki Swilor said...

These pictures of Kristen are so cute. I love that pig too and will also be praying that the train will pass quickly. We love you.

Nicki Swilor said...

I have a story to share. I hope it makes you laugh like it did me. My niece, Avrie has been praying for Kristen every night. And she drew a picture to send to Kristen, but when Ashley saw it she decided it is a little inappropriate for her. Avrie thinks she is a college student and has been asking about the tanning bed and if you have to wear clothes in there. Well the picture she drew for Kristen was a naked girl in the tanning bed. Its a crack up. She did make sure the girl was wearing tanning goggles. Protection first. Needless to say a more appropriate picture will be coming her way!

stephanie said...

We are here to hear you!!! Vent away!
Kickin' up the prayers!

Angi said...

Hang on for the ride...it's all you can do...dropped a card in the mail today but it's coming from the East coast so it may take a week or so:) It says Happy Birthday (sorry) but the song it plays is neat..hope it makes her smile...she is such a trooper!!!!

Tina said...

Thats what this beautiful community is here for...through good times and bad so vent away, don't keep things bottled up inside. I am thinking alot about Kristin and continue to pray for her, I pray that she gets through this with the minimum of pain, that her smile doesn't leave her face for long and that she will be back home with her family soon. I pray for your strength.

Jeana said...

Feel free to vent and get whatever you need off your chest anytime. That is what we are here for, to be a listening ear. Please don't hesitate to ask if you need us to do something. Its our turn to help you, and we are not far away.

Lisa & Gerald said...

Praying for you guys..Love the cute pig..Our Bloggy friend Renee sent me your way..Thinking of you..Hugs....