The past two days Kristen has been quite comfortable, as comfortable as one might be who is stuck in the hospital. Aside from some mouth sores and no blood counts, she has been feeling ok. She has been teasing me and laughing which is a complete turn around from a few days ago when all she did was lay here and moan. That being said, I do realize that it's just a matter of hours and a train will roll past and flatten her to the ground. That train has a name...High dose, Intense chemotherapy. I was thinking I could really vent here this morning because thats what I do here. My 15 year old son has been home very sick for two weeks, first strep and then flu. He has no mother to make him soup. My mother has also been very sick, bronchitis or pneumonia, I can't take care of her or even drop food off at her house, and don't forget that just a month ago my dad died. We all miss him, especially now. Kristen has a picture of him and my mom and she keeps it on her tray and looks at it many times a day. And now I probably just made my mom cry. My husband is a builder and because there are some amazing deals for first time home buyers, he is building a house for someone and it has to be done and closed on by the last day in November. So he is pretty much working 12 hour days and comes home to a missing wife and daughter and no dinner. He then makes the 30 minute ride to the hospital to see us and returns home close to midnight. I can no longer see my grandchildren as they too have been sick. My daughter Kamie is trying to be a mom to Ryan, a housekeeper, do the grocery shopping, work full time and go to school full time. Kim is going to school full time 100 miles away and her heart aches to be here with Kristen. Really things aren't that bad. Katy, my daughter dropped off some homemade chilli to my mom yesterday, and she also drove Ryan throught the drive through at Mcdonalds. My sister and brother are taking care of my mom. There is plenty of food in the house for Richard when he gets home from work. It is just that I want to be doing all of those things. I am mad that I can't help anyone. I want to be the one doing those things instead of the one asking for help I do realize that I am just where I need to be. Did I mention that I hate cancer. Now that I have had my pity party I think I will run downstairs and grab a coke that's probably what I should have done in the first place. I better hurry as we have a "ticket to ride."
I created this blog when my sweet little girl, Kristen, was diagnosed with cancer, for the third time. After fighting for almost 3 years Kristen was called home to that same God who gave her life. One of my favorite quotes comes from Neal A. Maxwell- "Those who "plow in hope" not only understand the law of the harvest but they also understand what growing seasons are all about. True, those with genuine hope may see their proximate circumstances shaken like a kaleidoscope at times, yet with the "Eye of faith" they still see divine design." Kristen blessed lives and continues to do so. Her light continues to shine. As for me, I continue to "plow in hope" knowing well that Kristen is mine for eternity. Families can be together forever!