I created this blog when my sweet little girl, Kristen, was diagnosed with cancer, for the third time. After fighting for almost 3 years Kristen was called home to that same God who gave her life. One of my favorite quotes comes from Neal A. Maxwell- "Those who "plow in hope" not only understand the law of the harvest but they also understand what growing seasons are all about. True, those with genuine hope may see their proximate circumstances shaken like a kaleidoscope at times, yet with the "Eye of faith" they still see divine design." Kristen blessed lives and continues to do so. Her light continues to shine. As for me, I continue to "plow in hope" knowing well that Kristen is mine for eternity. Families can be together forever!

Friday, October 23, 2009

and life goes on....

Kristen and I are home tonight. We have been spending most of our days and some nights at my mother's house.  We have been rather busy the past 2 weeks.  Not hardly time to even gather my thoughts and realize what just happened.  Since my dad passed away unexpectedly 11 days ago, everything has been almost like a dream.  I seriously wish someone would pinch me and wake me up.  We are all almost like walking zombies.  When we get the chance to sleep, we can't.  Our minds quickly fill with thoughts and memories and wonders of how we really need to find a "new normal" but we just can't.  My dad was such a big part of our lives.  We would talk to him at least one time and sometimes 2 0r 3 times every day.  We would visit him or he would come visit us once or twice during the week and every Sunday at 4pm you would find us there at his house.  He truly loved Kristen and would do anything for her.  I remember calling him a little over a year ago to tell him that Kristen's leukemia had returned.  First he said a few swear words and then the phone went silent and I knew the tears were flowing.  My dad worked for the county sheriffs office for almost 30 years. He was well respected in the community and at work.  It was always a treat as a young girl to get in his police car and turn the sirens on.  My dad taught me many life lessons of which I will always be grateful for.  He was a tough guy and not just demanded respect but expected it.  Not only did  I need to respect my parents, but that my kids respected me and that we respected the grocery store clerk or the waiter or waitress.  He never thought he was better than anyone else.  He could have lived in a larger house or driven a more expensive car, but he chose to share what he had with others.  You always knew where you stood with my father.  He taught me toWork before you play and save before you spend.    Although my dad died unexpectedly, I believe he had no unfinished business, no regrets and he lived a good life.

Kristen was taken back by the death of her grandpa.  I told her that her grandpa had died.  She keeps asking the question, "Why?" She asks me several times a day, "Where's Grandpa?" I tell her and she says, "Oh!" Then an hour later the same questions are asked again.  As we entered the mortuary she pulled back.  I held her hand and asked her if she wanted to see her grandpa.  She said NO! She could see the casket across the room and she quickly ran the opposite direction.  I found a couch for her to sit on that was across the room.  She was comfortable there and was looking from a distance.  Kristen sat quietly during the funeral.  As we proceeded to the cemetery she continued to ask the same question..."where's grandpa?"
I hope she is ok.

Life goes on... My youngest granddaughter turned one this past week. We took her and her brother to Build a Bear. Of course Kristen chose the Jonas Brothers dog.




7 comments:

Heather said...

Thinking of you all, as you navigate this "new normal".I can almost feel through your words,how absolutely heavy your heart is Polly.I am sending prayers of peace and strength in these most weary of moments.

stephanie said...

You have been in my thoughts and prayers. Your father sounded like a great guy! You were very lucky to have a wonderful father. I hope Kristen will be OK. It's so difficult.

Your grand daughter is precious. Life continues. God Bless!

stefanie said...

i am so sorry you hurt, words cannot express.

Lacey said...

Thinking of you during this hard time. What a beautiful ceremony it was.

ABandCsMom said...

I've been thinking about you the last few days. I can not begin to imagine the pain you are all feeling. Praying you find some sort of peace through all of this.

Jeana said...

We are sending prayers your way. So sorry for your loss, your dad sounds like a truly great guy.

My name is Sarah said...

This is Joyce. Tears fill my eyes as I read your words. I can truly feel your pain as you write. Dear Kristen has experienced such a loss and is trying desparately to understand in her own way. My heart is reaching out with love and support to all of you.